


Ningen Impossibilities

by Synnefox



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Codependency, F/M, Intrigue, Older!Rin, Sex, Slow Build, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-10-25 16:56:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10768500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnefox/pseuds/Synnefox
Summary: Even if it is as impossible as it seems, Rin finds a way to convince herself. All that's left is to convince her Lord.





	1. Preface to the Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a work on FF.net that I've long wanted to go back through and edit. What better way than to re-post here on A03! It's already done, so updates won't be excruciatingly long, but it IS a behemoth of a story with looong chapters so I'll need to take my time. Enjoy!

# Ningen Impossibilities

________________________________________

#### Preface

Rin knew she was in love with him at fourteen. 

She had out grown her favorite kimono of orange and yellow shapes; she had out grown her next traveling kimono of yellow and purple flowers; and when she’d had her fourteenth birthday (an always quietly celebrated day) Sesshoumaru had given her a kimono that made her fall in love. 

But at twenty she’d had to realize the truth; in the days of her innocence, the kind of love she had thought was real, was just the surface of the suffering love that she was to bear for him now.  
________________________________________

#### [Thirteen yr. old Rin]

"Jaken-sama!" Rin splashed happily in a deep stream that ran parallel to their tread.

"Insufferable ningen! Will you stop splashing me girl!" The toad shrieked, flailing his Nintoujou toward the lively girl. Rin paused and checked for her Lord. As usual he was several meters away walking with no hesitations about leaving the two to squabble alone. With one final splash at Jaken, the girl let her long legs carry her as fast as she could to her Lord, leaving poor Jaken in the dust.

"Rin," the stoic demon chided. With a little pout the girl ran back, picked up a wrangling kappa and sprinted back to Sesshoumaru, dropping the kappa unceremoniously.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, will we reach the palace soon?" Rin asked, looking up to the pale youkai. She noticed, with pride, his face was just a bit closer to her. She knew for her age and species she was tall, reaching his brightly colored obi, and could only hope to get taller. A slight nod was her only affirmative and she frolicked around picking random flowers, smelling them and either keeping them or discarding them for her next flower crown. 

The trio kept themselves busy until well into nightfall. The moon was high when Sesshoumaru decided to stop. Being accustomed to her Lord’s long journeys, Rin was neither winded nor tired, but rest was welcomed just the same. By her calculations, they would reach the palace by this time tomorrow; depending on how early Sesshoumaru woke them.

The Lord himself kept watch over his dysfunctional companions. He could smell age coming to Rin, the scent of human adolescence, and reproduction. He cocked his head to the side, silently assessing her. She was strong for a ningen. She was strong for her gender and her age. He was … proud of her, but this small revelation was awkward to the Lord. Now, however, was a crossroad in her life. Soon her own time of mating would come; instinct would call her to look for a suitable male, settle down and reproduce her own kind. And he, Sesshoumaru, should release her then.

He had always known he would have to give her up. It was customary of the short ningen life span. Only thirteen years of her life, only five of them spent with him. That was but a blink to one such as himself. 

The girl in question sighed in her sleep. She slept on soft moss found at the base of a large tree demon named Nyu-Osuki. He was a landmark, only one day's journey left until Sesshoumaru reached his home. The demon leapt high into Osuki's branches and fixed his gaze on the moon, subconsciously fixing his ears to that of his companions. Soon the day of Rin's birth would arrive. He had made sure to make it to his abode by then if he could help it. Although he was not sure of what day it was exactly, he had a general idea. It was most likely a day in high spring.

Such a day suited Rin.  
________________________________________

#### [Sixteen yr. old Rin]

As Lady of the palace it was Rin's job to keep everything in order. Nothing could be out of place, dinner must be on time, guest quarters were always to be kept clean, tea always at the ready to be prepared and most of all, Sesshoumaru's particular whims must be done. The Inutaisho Daiyoukai was a picky and almost quirky Lord and Rin found it her purpose to please him. Everything had to be immaculate. Or as close to such as possible, as her Lord expected and tolerated nothing less. But a thought had recently dawned on her.

This also meant that she herself had to be perfect.

Rin had realized as much when a young female lizard youkai had stolen from the palace. She wasn't sure how he knew; she, herself, hadn't been aware of anything until she saw all the servants gathered in the common room. All the shoji doors had been open and the sunlight streamed into the whole palace lighting up the enormous expanse. Rin was the last to arrive, carting old scrolls in a delicate cloth satchel as she prepared to climb the steps and take them to her Lord's personal library. What stopped her was the sight of Sesshoumaru looking down on a small bowed youkai with the coldest expression. Sesshoumaru never looked that detached unless he planned to take a life.

> _"Insolent creature, I let you work here, sleep here, in my house and you steal from me." He stated rather blandly, speaking so low Rin strained to hear him. It was not a question. Still the little lizard tried to beg and plead, bowing more into the hard wooden floors than Rin thought possible. The air was tense. Some, who knew Sesshoumaru longer, turned to look away, already knowing the poor female’s fate. Some looked with hope and pity, thinking there a chance she may survive. He spoke again, "No one will bring shame to my home. There is no excuse." Sesshoumaru stared into her and with a flick of his wrist severed her head completely. All her cries ended abruptly and blood pooled rapidly toward the ruler. Turning without another word he glided past Rin up the stairs and into his library. Immediately the mess was being cleaned and her body wrapped and escorted outside. Rin watched for a moment, dwelling on his words. Unconsciously she began to ascend the steps. ‘No one will bring shame to my home.’ Didn’t such a thing also apply to her? It was known that Sesshoumaru kept a human ward. It was known that humans were far inferior to youkai. It was also known that Sesshoumaru had no tolerance for the inferior. Did Rin bring shame to his house? Rin had questioned her status ever since then._

Ever since that day Rin had made her decision. She had done all she could do to be perfect in his eyes. She pushed herself physically, striving to be quicker, stronger, more agile and more reflexive. It was painful and often seemed impossible, but she had nothing else to make her life worthwhile, so what else could she do? Mentally she pushed herself to become smarter, quick witted, intuitive and wise. She delighted to find this was not such a struggle for her. She became the perfect Lady and Sesshoumaru said he would allow her to take direct combat training when she had reached sixteen. Rin planned to become just as flawless in this realm as well. She wanted nothing more than to please her Lord. It was all she could do to justify her life beside his.

It was by this age that she had reckoned her love for him was a little deeper than her appreciation for new kimonos. 

Rin stared at the rising sun; it's glowing intensifying every moment.

"Meditation Rin?"

Rin whipped around, annoyed with herself for not noticing the youkai before he reached her. "Oh, Himatori-sensei! You scared me." Rin laughed nervously. She raised her bokkun in a defensive stance and the two wasted no time sparring. Recently, Rin could feel the strength of the wolf youkai more. She could feel the power in every swing and Rin did not delude herself in thinking that in any way would she have an actual chance, had this youkai suddenly decided to kill her.

Resentment started to bubble up in her chest. Why couldn't she have been born youkai? Why did she have to be so inferior? Unnoticeably the ningen's swings became filled with emotion and the girl took it out on her sparring partner.

Himatori studied his pupil. This was not the first time Rin would begin practice, then suddenly her aura and demeanor would change and she would unleash pent up emotions she had been feeling. The old youkai understood the pressure she put on herself. Who couldn't see that Rin was striving to be perfect? She was overcompensating for the fact that she was human, and for that, Himatori felt sorry for her. If there was something he knew, it was Rin could never change in Sesshoumaru's eyes.

"Rin," Himatori chided when she swung, missing completely, and fell flat on her face. The girl hopped back up surprisingly quick. "What is troubling you Rin?"

Rin obstinately shook her head and swung again, her anger increasing for such a stupid mistake. Himatori rose a brow at the change in her attitude, still he blocked and retaliated. Soon she seemed to calm into her clear-cut fighting style. One she had crafted as a human version of her gaurdian’s style of combat. It was efficient, vicious and lethal. Himatori kept time; so far they'd been sparring for about three hours straight. This was the longest stretch by far, and the sensei was impressed with Rin's stamina. Looking up sharply, the youkai's senses picked up the scent of his Lord walking near. No doubt to observe Rin and make sure she was improving. Allowing a little more force he swung his bokkun and was surprised when she didn't parry. Able to discern the increase in force, Rin dodged completely. Taking three large steps back and to the side she assessed her options. Himatori attacked again and Rin dodged steadily while taking long strides backwards. Soon they would be nearing the large Koi pond her Lord kept on the grounds, she was hoping to make it there. Himatori began swinging faster leaving Rin no choice but to parry the force or get hit. After the fourth swing her bokkun was in danger of breaking and she wasn't near enough to the pond for her plan to work.  
On a whim, Rin turned and ran in a zig zag pattern barely missing the tackles Himatori tried to connect. She aimed for the pond and while Himatori was confused with this he certainly wasn't going to let her get away without proving herself. He wanted his Lord to see he was doing his job in pushing Rin to her fullest. His thought process failed him when Rin tumbled, swinger her leg in a complete circle. She tripped him and Himatori took a lunge into the freezing Koi pond.  
Rin smiled broadly as her plan unfolded beautifully before her. Standing she dusted herself off and waited for Himatori to emerge. He would most likely praise her for her inventive thinking.

"Rin." The deep rumble of his voice shocked her. She turned to see Sesshoumaru nearly next to her. His face seemed almost disproving. A face she hated the most.

"My Lord," Rin bowed lower than even the servants, though she need never do so. Sesshoumaru always noted such, it almost curled his lips, her displays of true devotion. Himatori emerged, spluttering; he hopped out with a broad smile on his face.

"Rin! That was excellent! Brilliant thinking!" He spotted Sesshoumaru, feigned surprise and bowed politely. "My Lord, how unexpected. Is there something I can do for you?"

Sesshoumaru seemed to gaze through him for a moment. "I came to observe Rin." His eyes slid back to his ward's to find surprise. "You will demonstrate your skill to me."

"Of course my Lord!" Rin smiled wide and bowed low. She ran back to their original sparring grounds, picked up a new bokkun and turned to face her opponent. To her surprise Sesshoumaru stood there, hands tucked into his sleeves and a stoic expression on his face. Rin tried to keep the fear from her voice, but could not stop the confusion. "Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"I will be your opponent Rin." Was his only explanation.

The ningen nodded and steadied herself. She could feel her nerves tingling in the tips of her fingers and toes. She knew she was exuding the strong smell of fear and apprehension and this could not stand. Slowly she cleared her mind; closing her eyes she focused her energy. She felt her ki center itself and she opened her eyes to look at her opponent not as her Lord Sesshoumaru, but as a temporary enemy.

Sesshoumaru watched her raptly. She was scared and nervous that much was palpable, but almost just as suddenly she was fearless and calm. The change intrigued him. When had she learned to control herself in such a manner? Still he watched as she opened her eyes to look upon him in a way he had never received before. It raised the hairs on the back of his neck. Never had Rin ever looked at him in such a way. _Never._ Then she was attacking, quite quickly for a human. It took five long strides for her to reach Sesshoumaru, swinging her bokkun in a wider arc, she pushed her body to complete the rotation and let her foot follow. Rin felt the fabric of her Lord's hakama sweep over her heel. She had been dangerously close to landing her kick. Keeping her balance in check Rin immediately dropped to the ground and slashed upward in quick successions, swinging her bokkun round and round.

Sesshoumaru took easy hops back, keeping the distance between himself and Rin small enough for her to nearly reach him every time. Her expression was not fierce but almost calculated. Detached. It made him proud.

Rin lunged her arms forward, aiming to spear the youkai, but Sesshoumaru simply glided to her left. His body slid past hers as he moved opposite of her in a grace that only reminded Rin of her inferiority. She would never be enough to please him! In a fit Rin threw her leg out catching the Lord's heel, had she been successful she would have kicked him off balance. Sesshoumaru leapt away lightly and just as he touched ground, his hand came as a reflex and caught the bokkun Rin had thrown right as his face.

Himatori watched in silent awe as Sesshoumaru stared in his silent, stoic version of disbelief at the bokkun still seconds from his face. Rin knelt panting on the ground. Slowly the Inu lowered the bokkun and fixed his gaze on Rin as she struggled to stand without wheezing. "You have done well Rin. Rest, tomorrow you will accompany me to Totosai's villa."

Rin cocked her head. "My Lord," She began bowing, as he walked by her. "May I ask why we will be visiting Totosai?"

Sesshoumaru dropped the bokkun at Himatori's feet. "To commission a sword for you."

The demon was well into the palace before it finally hit Rin. Sesshoumaru was going to have a sword made for her! She squealed silently and sank to the ground, the joy apparent on her face. Himatori chuckled as he approached her.

"You did well young Rin! Exceptionally better than any human my eyes have ever seen. This I promise you. Come, Sesshoumaru-sama wishes for you to rest." Rin simply nodded in a happy daze as she was led to her chamber to bathe and rest. Tomorrow she and her lord would travel together to have Totosai forge a sword for her and her alone.

________________________________________

#### [Twenty yr. old Rin]

Rin knelt and closed her eyes. She could feel the heavy stare of her Lord and several hundred spectating demons. Her nerves were tingling at the incredible fact of being the only free human in this Youkai's festival. As customary, the rulers of Nippon bet against each other and put their best warriors in a ring. The battle was not to be to the death, but Rin suspected this time would be different. When the time had come to announce their warriors, Sesshoumaru had simply called her name casually and innately, she’d obeyed. Now however, the full brunt of his choice was resonating within her. He had placed his very honor upon her shoulders. Every year Sesshoumaru won this show of strength not only because he was revered as having the best warriors in all of Japan, but because he simply would tolerate nothing less. But this year, he had thrown Rin, a ningen, to fight against seasoned youkai. Rin had never even aspired to understand how her Lord’s mind worked but this was … daunting. 

Rin was dressed similar to a taijiya. Sturdy black fur boots laced tightly to her ankle, fitting black taijiya pants cut short to her upper thighs, long black gloves that ran down her arm to expose her fingers, and sturdy, fitted black material that covered her torso up to her neck. The only color she wore was a belt that ran around her hips and draped in front of her and behind her. It was the same pattern as Sesshoumaru's obi, a gift for her nineteenth birthday. Her long hair was plaited down to the backs of her thighs and four long and dangerously sharp ornaments rested there and jingled when she moved.

Rin could feel the tension in the air. She steadied herself freeing all the doubt she had in her chest. She could almost taste the auras of each demon. She filled herself with the exhilarating thought of Sesshoumaru having so much faith in her. He must believe that she could do this, and for him she would, even if it meant to give up her life. What other worth did she have if not for him? The competing youkai looked at her quizzically as she knelt, one hand splayed on the ground and the other immobile to her left. Her twin swords mounted on her back, Ijo and Yijo. She waited for the host to ring the gong that would begin the tournament, but there seemed to be hesitation. Slowly Rin watched as the host was making his way to the upper deck where the rulers sat to observe. Not a sound could be heard in all the stadium and the youkai’s boisterous voice was not at all discreet.

"My Lord Sesshoumaru, are you sure you want to enter that ningen girl? Surely you-" Rin didn't even blink when Sesshoumaru flicked his wrist and severed the demon in half. As the body fell over the deck it invariably hit the gong and all was fair game.

Rin had one fair advantage over youkai. Because she was ningen, her bones were light and it was far easier for her to move and use her agility to her benefit. It gave her combat style a differing factor from her Lord’s. Rin was nimble, light as a feather with focused power in her core. Generally, she generated most of her power through the centrifugal force of spinning and flipping and overall acrobatics. 

As soon as the sound rang through the stadium, Rin pushed off low, to her left and slid between the nearest youkai’s legs. It was surprisingly east to unbalance him with a trick of her foot around his ankle and the use of his weight against him; he fell forward quickly. Lying on his chest, no doubt confused from the suddenness of Rin’s bold maneuvers, he was unprepared for Rin to drive the heel of her hand into the base of his neck, one of the few susceptible places a ningen could kill a youkai by. There was an instant severing of his spinal cord from his skull. No other contenders had moved, and the crack from the kill had resonated loudly, like a siren. Things were different now; she was a threat. 

For a few moments, all was still and the tension was such a palpable thing, Rin imagined she could see it. But such cowardly immobility would not please her Lord, she decided. Rin ran forward directly past the nearest demon, whom instinctively swiped at her, and used all the strength in her legs to push off the wall, swing her leg and let catch the demon in the neck with her heel. It was a precise maneuver that required flawless spatial awareness and complete confidence in her strength, control and accuracy. Again the cracking sound was an audible, if wordless, victory. Rin was down two and she had yet to even unsheathe her swords.

She turned to view the remaining youkai, who looked back in varying degrees of malice and hate. One demon sneered at her; he was finely dressed with long blue hair that flowed in the harsh breeze. "Filthy ningen, you believe that you are stronger than pure-blooded youkai because you live in the Western house? You will die!"

Such a thing as hurled insults and threats would mean more to Rin, if she hadn’t spent her whole life learning from the true embodiment of regal stoicism. Some lessons were easier to pick up than others, so Rin found it natural to contain her passions, school her features and hyper focus. 

Rin reached behind her and turned the hilts of her swords unlocking them from the sheath. As soon as she pulled to unsheathe them, their heavy auras enveloped her like a thick mist. Chain links of demon energy wrapped around her arm, harmful to fragile human skin, but the material of her gloves kept them from burning her flesh. 

Mizan Nanjo, Lord of the Eastern lands turned to his left. "Oh?” He intoned with excitement. “What is it that the little human wields, Sesshoumaru?" He asked not too quietly.

The pale Daiyoukai was silent, as if he contemplated ignoring the question. Finally, he spoke tonelessly. “My fangs."

Nanjo stared at, for all intents and purposes, his godson. "Ahh," he gave a short chuckle. "And she wields them so naturally," Nanjo pointed down to Rin who stood static, her form flawless as she waited for an imminent attack in absolute comfort. 

Huyoko Hibina a fiery Hi-youkai scoffed with derision though he said nothing. But it was enough to annoy the Western Lord.

The Inu-youkai’s brow ticked. He grew tired of the stalemate in the ring. "Rin," he called calmly. The girl turned her full attention to her Lord "Finish this, I grow tired."

"Yes my Lord," Rin nodded. She turned and clutched her swords backward, protruding them from her fists. Rin launched herself, once more low to the ground, past two or three youkai. She was successful in slashing off two limbs as she went. She ran so low that the taller demons had to bend awkwardly to swipe at her slippery movement. Growls of frustration and pain echoed behind her and before she could stop her velocity a spear slammed the ground right in front of her. She moved enough for it to miss her face but it smashed into her shoulder and sent her on a skid. The demon was immediately charging for her and Rin threw Yijo at his neck. The demon laughed when she missed but Rin jerked her arm back and the chains whipped the sword around to slit deeply into the neck of the youkai before he was even close.

It was harder to fight when backed into a corner, most especially when even just one powerful swing would fully bisect Rin in an instant. But the human was crafty and, by design of her guardian, a veteran combatant. Years of sparing with Sesshoumaru, whom would often move faster than her eyes could follow, left Rin with a well of foresight and instinct. Often her body moved before her brain had a chance to parse through the situation. She focused on disarming, feinting, and precision kills or dismemberment. It took a while, and often she had multiple enemies but after a moment Rin’s brain concluded that there were no more threats.

Looking around Rin counted the bodies. All were in the rink, none has escaped or fled. Most were dead but some had only lost their pieces of themselves. Sheathing her swords Rin turned toward the rulers and bowed deeply in the direction of her Lord. "My Lord," she called her completion. Slowly it sank in to her. Certainly she had decided that she could and would accomplish anything her guardian asked of her but … some part of her had thought it impossible; had been ready to die for just the attempt. But she had done it. At such a tender age, she had just defeated some of the most skilled youkai in all of Nippon. Her, a young, ningen female had defeated expertly skilled warriors of all species. 

The Daiyoukai simply waved his hand toward himself and stood. He’d had quite his fill of socializing and was reay to make his way back to the peace of his quarters. The day’s festival was over; there would be a banquet then tomorrow would feature another event. Rin hoped up the wall and landed next to her lord almost as silently as any bird youkai.

Sesshoumaru silently reasoned that she probably weighed less than one of his swords. "Rin come, the day is over." Sesshoumaru turned toward the long drone of steps leading from the observation balcony to ground level. Nanjo stood and walked with Sesshoumaru, speaking low enough to provoke curiosity but keep their conversation private. 

"That is an interesting ningen you seem to have gotten your hands on." Nanjo jested quietly while walking with his hand hidden in large, ornate folds of his kimono.

Nanjo kept his gaze forward but Sesshoumaru still felt under scrutiny. It did not help the young Lord that this particular Inu was also his godfather; a youkai that had known his father and had played with pup Sesshoumaru in his youth. He owed the elder youkai nothing but respect and loyalty and he was one of the few individuals littering the planet, that Sesshoumaru would risk himself for. "You speak more than you listen old dog."

"You don't say enough to listen to, Pup." Nanjo chuckled and glanced back at the almost vacant walk of Rin some couple yards away. Hard listening distance for a ningen, but Nanjo wouldn't be surprised. "So how did you acquire this talented one here? Is she the one they gossip about? The ningen you kept out of sheer random will?" Sesshoumaru simply nodded. That explanation fit fine enough. "What do you plan to do with her? What is she exactly?" The Eastern Lord sounded like an old gossiping wench.

Sesshoumaru slid his eyes to the youkai, "What do you imply by _'do with her'_?" He asked blandly.

Nanjo held up his hands in an innocently contemplative sort of manner. "I mean like what purpose does she have? Surely you do everything for a reason."

Sesshoumaru mused this for a long while. They were near his castle, the festival being hosted in his lands, when he finally gave an answer. "She has no immediate purpose." It was true, wasn't it? He had often thought of reasons to keep her around and contemplated her very being for hours. What role did she serve? What she did that made him feel she was … irreplaceable. He had conceded that he felt the need to protect her, surely his father would find that sufficient, but in what capacity did his protection stem from? He asked himself endless questions and tried to make many justifications. Nothing made sense and it was all still too new for him so, one day he stopped. He was Lord of the Western Lands and Daiyoukai of all Inu-youkai, no one could question his claim of her life so really, he needn’t probe himself either. She didn't seem to have made any plans of leaving so neither did he. For as long as she wanted, she would stay in his house and her _'purpose'_ would never be questioned.

"Hmmm," was all Nanjo replied. Sesshoumaru felt his jaw clench. Certain times like these he wished Nanjo was not so invasively attuned to him as he was. The old dog could sniff out a bluff even if one was bluffing to oneself. And really, Sesshoumaru had not desire to fall back down the rabbit hole of introspection. The old dog decided to speak once more, "You never do anything without a purpose Sesshoumaru; just think about that will you."

With sudden frustration, the younger Inu growled. "What are you implying?" he stopped his gait abruptly to face the completely un-phased elder.

Nanjo simply raised an eyebrow to the young Lord’s flipped demeanor and continued walking. "Nothing you haven't already."

Gods above, this was why he seldom ever visited his godfather.

________________________________________

 

It was sunny this day and Rin felt a bit lighter. She didn't know why but she was excited to see Inuyasha, his mate, the monk and his mate as well. Kagome and Sango were like mentors for her in her still short life. Whenever Inuyasha was forced to pass through these lands or deal with his brother he always brought his mate, the monk, and the taijiya with him. It was Sango that had overseen her battle wear and hidden weapons. She had also half trained her on the art of deceiving a man. Kagome on the other hand, had taught her how to be brash enough to evoke respect from a man but how to be docile enough to remain feminine. All was a lot more difficult than Rin had thought, but her relationship with the women was strong. She guessed it helped that they were only four and five years apart. Kagome was twenty-three this year and Sango twenty-four both who tried to keep themselves from pregnancy as long as possible.

Rin chuckled to herself but stopped when she felt the strong permeating aura of her Lord. Turning she bowed deeply, "My Lord," she quipped always ready to please him.

"You wait for my brother and his troop?" he asked with a small sense of resignation.

"Hai my Lord they should arrive soon." Rin's easy smile slipped in place. "I will welcome them and house them in their usually quarters, ne?" 

Sesshoumaru simply nodded, stepped up onto the ledge of his wide stone gate and sat. His back was straight as a board though his face seemed bored and resigned, his legs were crossed and his hands rested serenely in his lap. Rin joined him immediately as was her wont since she was but a child. Back then Sesshoumaru had to hold her because she was so clumsy she would have dropped herself to her own death. Now, not so much. They spent time in quiet silence filled with the sweet smell of late spring and each other. Sesshoumaru prized this about his ward, she no more needed conversation than he did, but she had no problem babbling on when she felt to do so. For some reason, she always seemed to know when was right.

"They are here." Sesshoumaru announced a full five minutes before they came into view. They traveled light, Kagome on Inuyasha's back, laughing with Sango and Miroku. Inuyasha smiled easily looking completely content with his misshapen family, even when they approached the gate, the happy look didn't fade from Inuyasha's eyes though he put on his trademark scowl when facing his brother.

"Bastard, you seem well." Was his opening remark but it came out seeming more light than meant.

"Inuyasha!” Rin jumped down and hugged the hanyou, effectively throwing him off balance. Kagome dropped down and was bear hugged next. Sango and Miroku next until the girls started appraising one another and commenting on what had grown and filled out where. By the end of it Rin was a scarlet red and Sango and Kagome both had sly grins on their faces.

"Sesshoumaru," Kagome greeted amicably completely refusing to use his title, especially when she felt slightly disrespected as he continuously addressed her as “Inuyasha's ningen” or “Miko”. Sango gave a respectful nod to the Lord, but immersed herself in her conversation with Rin once again. The troop waltzed through the palace, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha exchanging greetings laced with non-subtle threats and insults. Miroku hopped between conversations.

Sesshoumaru's respect for his little brother had grown, though the demon didn't know when (or rather, he didn’t bother to examine when). He supposed it has something to do with the hanyou’s tenacity, power and leadership but the Daiyoukai would deny this until death. "You plan to stay here Inuyasha?" The demon more stated than assumed. Inuyasha didn't look up from his parchment but nodded. Sesshoumaru sent for a servant to ready the rooms and turned back to his brother. "The day's festival will commence soon, do you mean to attend it as well?" Inuyasha looked up in a sort of puzzlement then nodded toward Kagome. Sesshoumaru just barely kept from rolling his eyes but turned to his brother’s mate, expecting an answer.

Kagome looked up from her conversation with Sango after feeling the youkai’s stare, "What?" she asked confused as well. Sesshouomaru’s patience began to wane.

Rin, never missing her Lords moods intervened. "Did you and Inuyasha plan to attend the festival?"

"Oh," the Miko stated. "I forgot it was this time of year. It is only for youkai, right?"

Rin mused this question. "I suppose if you are a strong enough human that you can attend as well."

Kagome raised a brow. "I take it Sesshoumaru lets you attend."

Rin brimmed in pride. "I won the competition for my Lord and protected his title." A small blush crept with the words and Rin turned from Sesshoumaru slightly. The demon noticed but for his ward’s sake averted his eyes. He could never understand silly human follies; why she would become embarrassed over restating facts was beyond him. He supposed it was something he would never grasp.

"Ahh! You fought youkai?" Sango's interests were piqued.  
Inuyasha looked up from his parchment and turned to his brother. "You let her fight youkai?"

"I made her fight youkai." Sesshoumaru corrected. "She is far stronger than any ningen and can surpass most youkai because I trained her that way. If it were not for her life span she would hardly be considered human at all."

Rin's blush increased and she ducked her head as Inuyasha scrutinized her. "You're in one piece so I take it was easy for you?"

She thought a moment. She hadn't needed to struggle. She hadn’t really been _hurt_ at all. Everything came … natural to her. She hadn’t even been scared. After a moment she realized that it _had_ been easy for her. "Yes," she said slowly. "It was … easy for me." Rin wrapped herself in her own reverie.

"How long ago did you fight?" Kagome asked.

"Yesterday," she replied automatically.

"And today?" Kagome asked.

"Today is Hi-to-Tozen; all youkai dance from sunset to sunrise."

"Are you not going to join this one?"

"I am not sure." Rin glanced at Sesshoumaru, but he said nothing.

"Kagome, we should join with young Rin here." Sango chirped.

"Inuyasha would you dance?" Rin asked curiously.

"Only with Kagome." The hanyou replied almost instantly. Rin looked at Sesshoumaru again but he seemed truly disinterested.

"I am not sure if humans can join this part of the festival. I have never seen any, and I have never participated at all before yesterday."

"Don't worry about it," Kagome replied. "I am technically a Miko, Sango is stronger than most middle-class youkai and you my dear are hardly ningen at all." She clapped her hands. "It should be fine!"

Inuyasha lifted a brow and glanced at Kagome before going back to what he was doing. Rin let her eyes run back to her Lord to find him looking at her in the most peculiar way. Like he was contemplating something. "My Lord?" She asked. However, Sesshoumaru simply remained silent. Rin sighed internally, if her guardian didn’t wish to speak, it was impossible to prompt him to do so. Turning back to Kagome the ward considered, 

"Well the sun will not set for another six hours. What do you wish to do until then?"

Kagome stood suddenly, "Rin, there is a hot spring near here. We passed it not too long ago. Let's go there! I haven't soaked in a hot spring in so long." Kagome looked eager and Sango groaned at the thought.

Rin smiled "Of course, let's go."

________________________________________

When the women returned, an hour before sun down, Rin led Kagome and Sango to the wardrobe wing where the three picked out kimonos, and pretty sheer hakamas with dangling gold accessories. Rin chose an ornate black kimono with red flowers stitched along the back that split up to the waist on either side. She donned a pair of thin, if sheer, red hakama that quite barely shielded her legs. On her feet were pretty, satin black slippers. Pulling a long black cloth embroidered with hanging golden coins, Rin made a viel that covered her entire face, save the eyes. The material made attractive little chimes that shook with every step. Kagome wore similar attire, her kimono was red and her hakama white; Sango's kimono was brown and her hakama a deep purple.

If Sesshoumaru had no sense of smell, he was sure he would not have known who had just arrived at the event grounds. He had arrived at the festival a few hours ago and had already found himself bored to pieces waiting for it to be over. Inuyasha had found refuge high in a tree gazing at the stars as the youkai below socialized. It was obvious that neither brother was big on social interactions. Oddly, as the integrally familiar scent that could only be Rin wafted over to the Daiyoukai, Sesshoumaru found the woman walking toward him did not resemble her at all. The woman walked like a lioness and the peeks of skin from the slit of her kimono did no good to dispel the image she had inflicted on Sesshoumaru. Suddenly the deepest feeling of displeasure welled in the Lord. _How dare this ningen come baring skin that did not belong to her?_

At once he blanked his features, still not sure what was coming over him. He knew Rin meant no harm, she never did, and one wrong look would destroy her spirits for weeks on end to only clear through some sort of praise. But the Lord’s confusion was still deeply unpleasant and Sesshoumaru was not one to suffer the unpleasant. 

Rin arrived right in front of her Lord with only her brilliant hazel eyes visible. She bowed low and acknowledged, "Lord Sesshoumaru," Kagome bowed as well out of respect.

With a small rustle of fabric, Inuyasha leapt out of his tree and landed a little behind Kagome. The Miko turned and accepted his outstretched hand. It was times like these that Rin could see their love like a tangible string connecting the two. She so desperately wanted the same. _If only, if only._ The two began a centuries old youkai dance meant to seduce one another and joined the other youkai and hanyou. Kagome’s kimono jingled as she moved deliberately slower than Inuyasha; meant to depict her slow growing love for him and they hanyou danced around her rapidly showing all his efforts to woo her. The dance was mostly an instinctual thing, this Rin knew. She wondered how it was that it could look so serene when done by the human and hanyou pair. Rin imagined it was because their eyes rarely left each other’s.

Lord Huyoko Hibina had just been conversing with Lord Kazekari Sashine the Lord of the Middle Provinces, when he caught sight of a lovely trio walking. One sniff of the air told him that amongst the three was the same ningen woman that accompanied that arrogant dog Sesshoumaru. He nodded to Sashine and stalked over to the young woman. Hibina knew he was quite an attractive specimen, well into handsome, actually. He was young, had the second largest military in all of Nippon and prided himself on being a strong and accomplished youkai. For this night, Hibina had pulled his long, silk straight, black mane into a high pony tail; he knew this accentuated the deep multi-red of his eyes, his pale complexion and the natural angles of his face. With calculated risk, he decided to insert himself into the ningen woman’s evening. 

Hibina gave a fangy grin as he reached the couple and gave a polite bow to Rin. "How pleasant to finally meet you little ningen. How fairs your evening?"

Rin, grateful of the veil to hide her blush, bowed lower. "An honor," she replied with perfect manners, her voice soft and melodic.

Hibina's eyes found that of Sesshoumaru and he gave a cordial nod and proper smile. He may not like Sesshoumaru but he did respect his power. "Lord Sesshoumaru." he greeted, only being _slightly_ disrespectful by greeting him after Rin. The Lord in question simply nodded to show his response. He seemed to lack the want to talk. Hibina extended a hand toward Rin, "Would you care to dance with me?"

This time the blush reached up to right under her eyes. "My apologies, Lord Hibina, but I do not think to engage in such a dance would be appropriate." She eyed Kagome and Inuyasha, the two looking completely at home and very intimate.

Hibina chuckled, "Nonsense, we certainly would not perform such a dance, but a simple one to the rhythm of the drums. I will show you an ancient hi-youkai routine that only nobles in the Southern Lands perform." He smiled easily and took her hand. After nodding once more to Sesshoumaru he led an only _slightly_ reluctant Rin to the same arena of earthen ground that all the other dancers were on. Rin had always thought dancing like a demoness would be hard. She observed the way Kagome moved; an ordinary ningen woman would find such things very difficult and Rin did not know if it was her spiritual powers that granted her such enhanced physicality. But Rin was pleasantly surprised that the dance Hibina shared was not so difficult at all.

Hibina’s hand was warm as he placed it on the cloth separating the skin of Rin’s nape. It was an intimate place to lead a dancer from, but he banked on the little human being ignorant of such. Rin moved where she was guided, the quick pace was not hard to keep up with at all. She locked eyes with her partner, unconsciously imitating the same look Kagome gave her partner. The effect was the Lord pulled her closer and sped up. Grabbing her shoulders, Hibina about faced the ningen and guided her by wrapping his had around her upper arms. The footwork required quick and dexterous movement but she didn’t seem to have a problem. He turned her and took two large steps back. This segment of the dance required her to copy him; a quick learner, Rin fell into rhythm rather immediately. She held her hands up as she moved, the large sleeves of her kimono fell to expose her elbows and the quick turns ballooned her kimono out to expose the naked skin of her waist.

Sesshoumaru watched with a stone face of disinterest. 

Inside, however, he was in turmoil. Something hot was festering square in the chest. What this feeling was, he did not know, but he knew it was unwelcome, undeserved, and abhorred. He also had a feeling it was caused by Rin. His confusion at such unnamed surges of feelings coupled with his inability to make it _go away_ began to brew pure unadulterated fury. The mix was so sudden and so potent, he could barely stand it. He tried to quell his growing rage by looking away; he attempted watching his brother dance but the two were so in love it made him sick. He directed his attention to the taijiya, who had long ago discarded the veil in favor of draping it over the monk. It was interesting enough to watch the two because their dance was not youkai but something other. Somehow it didn’t matter. Neither his nose nor his eyes would allow him relief from the visage of Rin dancing with that inferior fire-youkai as if they were long time lovers. 

It made him sick. 

Standing, Sesshoumaru caught Rin's attention just as she was turning again. She froze and their eyes connected. Sesshoumaru let his look of disgust fill his features before ordering his imp and walking away. He knew such a thing would hurt her most and he wanted that.

Rin stood motionless for a moment, confused as to what had brought such a disturbance to her Lord so suddenly. Her first thought was perhaps he hadn't been looking at her. But she would be fooling herself and she knew it. Her second thought, and most worrying conjecture, was perhaps she had in some way disrespected him. Her mind raced as panic filled her body whole. Never would she intentionally disrespect her Lord! He was absolutely _everything_ to her. It took her but a minute before he legs began to work and she ran. She ran with all her might.

________________________________________

"My Lord!" Rin was racing up the corridors of the Western Palace, she had been running after him for some time, to no avail. Her panic heightened her senses. She knew Sesshoumaru was near, she could feel his aura in her bones. "My Lord, please tell me what I have done!" Rin went straight to begging. Her adrenaline gave out and she stopped abruptly and fell to her knees holding herself. She had ripped the veil from her face and her long wavy hair hung drearily around her face. _'It's unfair.'_ She thought bitterly. _'If he would just give me a chance to explain whatever it is I have done.'_ But Rin knew her Lord. It was not often Sesshoumaru acted impulsively, but in every instance she could think of, he had never made a mistake or regretted his actions. It left her feeling dread.

She felt the spike of his aura and it filled her with a new determination. Leaping up she followed him down the winding hall and through the servants’ entrance to his personal gardens attached to his chamber. There she found him resting in his favorite tree, gazing at the high moon. Music could still be heard from the festival not too far away. "My Lord," Rin whispered, all of a sudden afraid of what he might say. "Please." Was all she could mutter, not entirely sure what she was begging for.

There was a long pause. "You have irritated me Rin." Sesshoumaru, out of a loss for words, let the starkest version of truth tumble out.

"But how, my Lord? Please tell me and I will never do so again."

"That is … partly the problem." Sesshoumaru paused not sure how to admit this. "I cannot determine exactly what it is you have done."

Flabbergasted Rin sputtered. "But my Lord, it must be something!" She was raising her voice in a manner that she had never used with him. When Sesshoumaru remained silent her belly clinched with stress. She was panicking. "Please, Lord Sesshoumaru, you _must_ be able to tell me wha-"

"It is your very presence." Sesshoumaru said venomously; he disliked being questioned.

Rin's breath left her and would not draw again. It felt as if her chest was concaving. What had he just said? But he continued, "I cannot take it any longer." 

There was a decisive silence that cut deep through the ningen and Rin felt her world crashing around her. "My Lord, please tell me, is it because I danced with that Lord Hibina?"

Rage, that same hot and swelling rage, blossomed sickly throughout the Daiyoukai’s chest. In the swiftness of a moment, his face was mere inches from Rin's. His eyes were red and glowing, his fangs protruding from his mouth. "What did you just say?" It was more of dare than a question.

Rin felt fear shake her to the core. Never had her Lord’s temper ever been directed at her. Her mind became startlingly blank in her terror. "I just want to stay by your side, my Lord. Like Rin always has." She reverted back into third person, such was her abject terror at having to face her Lord’s fury. It did nothing to quell him. "If my Lord desires, Rin will never dance with another youkai again. Rin will never _dance_ again. Anything! It has only been you my Lord. Everything has always been you." Rin could feel herself breaking down. She was saying anything she thought would dampen the situation.

Sesshoumaru took a large step back. "What?" he fixed her with a nearly-disgusted stare.

Rin could feel her body shaking, could feel the endless stream of tears break past her eyes. Her mouth opened to without regard of conscious mind and vomited everything she’d always held dear. "It has always been you my Lord. The one Rin lives for, the only thing Rin loves. Rin would do anything for you! Please don't send Rin away! Please-"

"That is enough." His eyes came back to the cold color of amber gold. "You must go. Your simple ningen follies have gone far enough. You will not shame me by proclaiming love. You are naught but a human. Even with me having invested so much into raising you to be above other ningens, you are still _ningen_.” He took a breath and couldn’t help but look about in confusion. “This has gone far enough. Had I known you would …make such accusations before, I would have left you at the first human village I fell on." Sesshoumaru turned away from Rin and whistled. Two inu-youkai maids came and bowed low. 

He took another breath, fortifying himself to his decision. "Take Rin to her chambers and let her pack her belongings. Then escort her to wherever she wishes to go. She is no longer welcome here."

Rin stood in shock. What was her Lord saying? Surely he was not telling her to go. Where would she live? What would she do? How would she survive without his command, not seeing her Lord's face, not hearing his voice? It wasn't until she felt the warm hands of the maids that it truly set into her. He was ordering her exile. He was kicking her out! "No!" Rin clawed out their grasp and ran to Sesshoumaru. The demon leapt high out of her reach. "No! My Lord please don't send me away! I promise I will never speak of this again! How will I survive? Please don't!" 

Sternly yet kindly the maids wrapped their arms around Rin and pulled her back through the palace with the girl screaming and sobbing all the way. Strength had left her and she slumped on the floor of her chamber.

"My Lady, our orders were to help you pack and then escort you to your destination."

"NO! I will not leave!"

"My Lady you must-"

"No!" Rin curled herself into a tight ball and rocked. _'It is not true. This is just a nightmare. He would not abandon me. He would never send me away. I am the closest living thing to him, even if I an ningen. I am strong. He is proud of me. I am an asset.'_ Rin convinced herself until a black oblivion met her.


	2. First Healings

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Two

The sun was inconveniently bright for Rin. The first feeling she regained after consciousness, was an ear-splitting headache. Her eyes resisted the motion of opening and Rin had the oddest sensation that something wasn't quite right. Coherence flooded her and she jerked upward. Lying next to her were Kagome and Sango, both of whom were still sleeping. Rin scrambled to her feet, the ground seeming to tilt, as memories fought to overtake her. Where was she? Why was she here? She needed to be back at the Western palace pleading for her Lord’s mercy. With surety, Rin turned her eyes to the sky. The sun was just rising from the east so she began to stumble in the opposite direction. She figured it didn't matter where she was, if she ran in this direction eventually she would find her home. 

A sudden blur of red landed startled her to a stop.

"Inuyasha," she greeted still somewhat delirious. "Inuyasha, I must go. I must go back home."

The hanyou averted his eyes, his ears flat against his head. He sighed; if he had never thought his brother was a right bastard, now was the time. "Rin," Inuyasha found the words hard to utter. "Sesshoumaru … he –he doesn't seem to want you there right now. Maybe you just need to give him his space for now." Inuyasha knew he was lying as he spoke. Sesshoumaru was as stubborn and obstinate as he had ever been. There was no way that any amount of space or time would convince him to reconsider what he had done to Rin. His pride would never allow that.

Rin snapped her head to the side, as if she’d just been struck. She had never experienced this particular kind of pain before. Physical pain she had trained her body to ignore, but this … it seemed only her Lord Sesshoumaru could wound her so deeply that she couldn’t even look toward it. "I just want to know why." She whispered to herself. Rin could sense Kagome and Sango before she heard them, but made no move to acknowledge them. 

"Inuyasha, please just leave me be." She tried again.

"Rin, I can't! I promised Sesshoumaru I-" The hanyou lost his nerve. Scratching his head, he sighed with exhaustion and tried to look for a solution. "Rin, I don't think it would be wise to go to him right now. Just wait is all I am asking. Please."

Rin processed this. "Where are we?"

"Two days’ journey from the Western Palace, toward the Middle Provinces, just another half a day or so from my village. You could stay there and recuperate. After that I can't tell you what to do." Inuyasha looked hopeful.

Rin's chest was concaving. Suddenly the air felt thin and her blood light like water. How many days could she survive? What was this feeling? Maybe this was the weakness Sesshoumaru despised so much in humans. She felt like she could hardly breathe. The tears returned, scalding and surprising in their amount as they flowed down her face. "I cannot live without him." It was a plain statement. Rin looked up to Inuyasha but he stubbornly refused to look at her and continued to bar her path. She briefly wondered if she could subdue him but dismissed the notion. If Sesshoumaru could not kill him then she would not be able to lay a hand on him, certainly not in her condition. Robotically she turned and made her way back from where she had come, walking passed the pity filled faces of the only other females she had known. 

No one had anything to say.  
________________________________________

Sesshoumaru was quite sure he had made another one of the gravest mistakes of his life; his abandonment of his father being the first. His palace was so quiet he could hear the mice crawling on the other side of the estate. He was still sitting in his tree inside his garden. Subconsciously he waited to hear Rin's voice pleading to be accepted one again, but she never came. And the longer he waited the more bitter he grew. This ningen, this child had come and ruined his life with her undying loyalty and wide hazel eyes. He had thought she was loyal, he had thought she was strong, but for her to make such radical proclamations so suddenly, he got the notion that she was an usurper. Her only goal had been to make Sesshoumaru dependent on her. Then she would proclaim to love him and bait him to say the same, trapping him in one of the most tabooed practices in youkai culture. She had obviously been planning this all along!

But where was she? The maids had come to him to tell him that she had passed out on her chamber floor. Sesshoumaru thinking this was a trick had told them that if she wasn't gone by midnight, that he swore on all he owned, he would kill her himself. The maids where just dragging her outside the castle gate when Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango and Miroku had returned. The maids relayed the story and Inuyasha had come to confirm.

> _"Sesshoumaru what the hell is going on? There are two of your servants dragging Rin out the palace!" Inuyasha sounded truly concerned._
> 
> _"She is never to be seen here again." Sesshoumaru spat. "I want her gone before the sun rises. If I so much as scent her in the wind, I will make sure she never lives to defy me again."_
> 
> _"Will you just tell me what this is about?" The hanyou cried bewildered by his brother's raw emotion. "What the hell has she done?"_
> 
> _"It is none of your concern."_
> 
> _Inuyasha was silent for a moment. "I will take her to my village. But afterwards she won't be under my control."_
> 
> _"As long as she is kept from here."_
> 
> _"I can't promise that."_
> 
> _"You will promise or there is no reason to keep her alive for her transgressions."_
> 
> _"Sesshoumaru!"_
> 
> _"What is it Inuyasha? Will you keep her from here? Or must I eradicate the problem myself."_
> 
> _"You're being irrational! But I promise to keep her from here until we reach my village no more!" The hanyou ran away before any more could be said. And with a heavy heart he left Miroku to continue his business and bustled off carying Rin, Kagome and Sango._

And then this _love_. Nonsense.

 _Love_ , had gotten his father killed; he despised the very notion. Rin had known, from pubescence, that Sesshoumaru did not love. He had told her, he had shown her. He did not know how she could have possibly disregarded all the years of drilling that specific fact into her brain. Her admission was nothing more than a farce to pull Sesshoumaru into an ultimatum. To pull power over him. Realization dawned on the Western Lord. All the hours she spent training and pushing herself to be the perfect killing machine. She had said it was to please him so that she may become an asset. But Sesshoumaru could see, all that time she was training to be able to kill him. She was the one person that always slipped past Sesshoumaru’s natural instincts, his youkai had considered her, for all intents and purposes, family. Rin would never betray him! 

But she did. How else was the Daiyoukai to interpret her behavior?

The Inu-Lord’s heart was racing and suddenly he wanted desperately to tear the ningen to pieces, if for no other reason than for his pride. He briefly considered following her and delivering the exact punishment he had in mind but his limbs would not move. Fury sat with him for days as the Master of the Western Palace did not move for little under a week. He contemplated his household. How many of his staff had Rin pulled under her control? He would have to purge his house and the thought of her outreach made him sick. He vowed the next time he ever saw her face he would rip her apart.

________________________________________

 

"Things are not always what they seem, Rin." Kagome brushed the weeping girl’s hair. They were resting in Inuyasha's home, in his village. As soon as they arrived and showed Rin her room she had languished and cried for days on end. refusing to eat or drink. Finally, her sobs were subsiding and all she could do now was weep dryly, and lament her Lord. "Life is not fair, especially for a ningen in a youkai world. That's what you are Rin, and situations will always be against you." Kagome ran her hands through the long wavy locks trying to detangle them to the point where they wouldn’t have need to be shorn. "You have to pick yourself back up. What if Sesshoumaru was to see you? He would only see some weak human girl. Not recognize his impenetrable Rin, that defeats youkai ten times stronger than herself! Remember who you are." She pleaded

"I miss him." Croaked the younger one.

Kagome nodded. "Come on let's get you a bath." She pulled Rin up, helped her disrobe and make her way to the large underground hot spring they’d built the house over. Leaving, Kagome she returned to her chamber to find her mate writing a letter. "Please tell me that is not to who I think it is."

Inuyasha sighed. "I know how you feel, trust me I am not okay with this either, but I will tell Sesshoumaru what the hell is happening with her and I hope he feels like an ass."

Kagome shook her head. "Absolutely not! He wanted her gone? She's gone. He says she is dead to him? Then she is!"

“Kagome—"

"Just think about it Inuyasha! When Rin is better, do you think she'll appreciate us having told Sesshoumaru every little bit of her grievance?"

Inuyasha looked back at the letter he was writing, he supposed that was what he was doing. "Fine woman. Where the hell are you going?"

Kagome opened the shoji door to their room. "I'm going to go find my detangler shampoo and help Rin with her hair."

________________________________________

Rin watched the bubbles float up toward the surface of the water. 

There was a burning sensation in her chest, but somehow, it didn’t burn the feeling in her soul. She was worthless. Not even worthy enough to be in the presence of the _only_ thing that mattered to her. _Where was she supposed to go?_ Her life has spiraled out of control. Oh, how she wished she could just go back and re-do that day again! Somehow, she knew! She knew, that whatever it was she did to dishonor her Lord had been on that dance floor of the Hi-to-Tozen with that hi-youkai, Lord Hibina. She replayed that night over and over in her mind. What was it she should have done differently? Deny Lord Hibina?

But really, it didn't matter now. Rin smiled as she looked up. She opened her mouth, feeling the last of her breath leave her in the form of interesting little bubbles. She watched the bubbles float up before taking a big breath. Now the pain was so much more tangible. It burned like acid down her throat. She coughed and couldn't help her body spasms, but there was comfort in knowing it was almost over. To her dismay, right when her vision was growing black, she saw the face of a dark-haired angel, full of sorrow and pity and she knew she wouldn't die. Why couldn’t they just let her be? She just wanted it to be over.

Kagome pumped Rin's chest like a mad woman and screamed for Inuyasha. The hanyou was there before she could finish his name. From the looks of things, he didn't have to be told. He growled and disappeared again. Kagome forced the water from Rin's lungs and breathed into the girl. Rin coughed and sputtered. Pain flooder her and she cringed to take a breath. Kagome just watched in rapt her heart rate still racing. She had been so sure that she was too late. All she could think was that this was Sesshoumaru's fault. She should have known not to leave the girl alone. Somehow, she hadn't really thought things were suicide-worthy. Inuyasha returned with a long herb that looked like a blade of grass.

"Put this down her throat, it will make sure all the water is out her lungs." He groused.

Kagome just stared at him. "Put that down her throat?"

"Just do it, wench!" Inuyasha disappeared again giving Rin her privacy.

Kagome turned Rin on her back and the girl smiled at her. "You saved me Kagome." She said in a horribly broken voice. It was hard to blame her.

"Was this an accident Rin?" she asked, praying with all her being that it was.

She smiled sadly. "I just want it to be over Kagome. Can you let me do that?"

The pain in her voice made Kagome tear. "Come on," She said completely ignoring Rin's question. "Let's get the water out your lungs."

________________________________________

 

The first thing Miroku recognized, back in Inuyasha’s village, was the billowing, bright red hakama of Inuyasha high in the Goshinboku. His happy mood zapped when he caught the tense rigid stance in the figure. The monk sighed, he had had to stay behind and his last few days at the Western palace had been monitored, rigid and near hostile. And that was without running into the Master of the palace. He could only imagine what was happening here.

"Inuyasha," He greeted amicably. Inuyasha gave a terse nod. "How are things?" Miroku asked.

The hanyou jumped down and joined Miroku with a sigh. "Rin is doing better. She cries every night still and I always have to be on guard: she constantly tries to sneak out."

"I thought you weren’t going to force her to stay." Miroku had no tone of disapproval.

Inuyasha wavered. "I know, I –just don't want her to die for no reason, cuz Sesshoumaru’s being a prideful prick, y'know?"

Miroku was silent for a moment. "Do you honestly believe he would kill her if he saw her again?"

Inuyasha scratched his head. "Well he said he would."

"But what would that say if he didn't?" Miroku turned toward the hanyou. 

The other had no real response. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he was positive there was more than what met the eye. At least with brother. 

Inuyasha shook his head. "He has far too much pride to not do what he said he would. Even if it was the last thing he _wanted_ to do." The two traced their steps back to Inuyasha's home and Miroku made his way to his mate. The hanyou was sitting in his inner courtyard when a small kitsune messenger made his way toward him.

"Master Inuyasha, I presume?" The hanyou simply nodded. "I have a message for Lady Rin from Lord Hibina. He is aware of her current situation and sends his regards through this letter. He asks permission to speak with her, from you firstly, of course." The Kitsune ended with a bow. Inuyasha was a little apprehensive but he figured it was not his place to interfere with Rin's personal life anymore than he already had, and currently still was. His nod was deemed approval and he directed the youkai to Rin.

The human sat behind the manor, in the back courtyard fletching arrows. As soon as the kitsune was near she neatly fixed an arrow in between her fingers and flicked her wrist, sending it straight for his head. The kitsune caught it and bowed immediately. "Lady Rin I come with a message." '

Rin's heart leapt for utter joy before she could stop herself. "A message? From Lord Sesshoumaru?"

The kitsune shook his head. "No my Lady, it is from Lord Hibina."

Rin felt her face fall into obvious disappointment. Consciously she knew she couldn't remain this way but she couldn't help it! All she wanted most desperately was to hear from him. Just to know what he was doing, if he had forgiven her. Never in her entire life, had gone this long without knowing what he was going about or how he was. If he was annoyed with his duties: or restless from inactivity: or suffering from his reoccurring bouts of wanderlust. She felt so out of place it was hard to cope. Rin fixed her face and took the message with a limp grimace, thankful when the youkai was out of her presence and she could wallow openly again. Soon they were back again, the damnable tears. Rin curled up, the thought of shoving one of her arrows into her chest playing over and over again. It would be so quick.

"My Lord." She wailed near silently.

________________________________________

Lord Hibina sat in the personal chamber of his large southern palace. A knock both interrupted and annoyed him. "Come in, Juno."

The kitsune messenger appeared, not needing the door to enter the room. "My Lord, your suspicions were true. The young human woman was apparently cast out. She mourns pitifully. It almost seems her power came only from being at Sesshoumaru's side. I appeared before her without announcing my intentions and her best effort at defense was laughable. Once she left the Western house, she became naught but a frail ningen girl again."

Hibina was quiet for a moment, digesting this new information. "It seems our Lord has a weakness after all." The hi-youkai gave a hearty laugh that ended in a snarl. "That damned House of the Dog will fall yet, if it’s the last thing I do."


	3. Move to the Middle

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Three

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea, Kagome." Rin fretted as the Miko wrapped her in a fine kimono of black silk with flowered patterns the same hazel color as her eyes. Sango had just secured a number of hidden weapons on Rin, and piled her hair high on her head in an elaborate fix. Kazekari Sashine's son was having a birthday and all nobility had been invited. Surprisingly, with an invitation showing up on Inuyasha’s door, that had included Rin. "I suppose everyone knows of my exile now."

"Don't worry about what they know, or think they know." Sango's sure voice always helped to calm Rin's disposition. "You will be just as beautiful, if not more, than you have ever been."

Kagome put the finishing touches to Rin's obi. "There, now we'll get dressed and it won't be long. Rin practice looking at ease, if youkai think you are weak, they will prey on you. Remember that." The two women rushed off a flurry of following maids. Rin sat in reflection. It had been two long months since she had seen the Western Palace. Funny how that seemed like an eternity. Living with Kagome and Inuyasha was not hard, but it was not home. Her dreams of Sesshoumaru had not dwindled and her wish to see him again had only intensified. Inuyasha had told her about the promise he made to his brother; about how Sesshoumaru had never wanted to see her at the Western Palace again. For some reason, with all that she knew of him, Rin could not imagine her Lord killing her. And if she was given the chance, she was sure she would run right back to the palace, right back to _him_ despite his promise to eradicate her. Such was not to be, not if Kagome had any say in it.

The journey to Sashine's Palace was not too long. They took typical nobility carriages, even with Inuyasha huffing all the way. The procession was intricate and grand and just as the females had feared, Rin became something of a freak attraction. But Rin kept her head held high and smiled with polite modesty. Kagome’s words circling closely in her head; she would do nothing to shame her Lord, even if he wanted nothing to do with her. When Lady Sashine approached her, Rin was prepared to fend off unkind remarks and uncomfortable conversation topics. The demoness looked exquisite with long white hair and eyes just as vacant as a sheet of blank parchment. Her voice seemed to glide over Rin. 

"Lady Rin, I am glad you could join us." Rin simply nodded not sure if the Lady had been genuine, or not. "I understand there have been some mishaps with your Lord," Rin bristled visibly. "Do not get offended young one, talk is everywhere. My son has grown interests for you, though, I cannot say if it is purely curiosity fueling him or something else. He would like to meet you. Also, I think a friend of yours is here as well, Princess Kia and her father have come."

A small smile lit Rin's face. She had not seen her long-time friend in years. Princess Kia was heiress to the Underwater Province, she was the one who had taught her to swim back when her father, Kian, was a regular fixture in the West. "I have not seen her face in many years." Rin's voice was soft and subdued.

The Lady of the province looked her over. "You do not even seem the same woman that stunned me the day of the festival. As curious as I am to know what has taken place, I know it has nothing to do with me. Perhaps one day you will feel comfortable enough to relay the story, but until then come this way; the banquet in my son's honor is about to begin."

Rin simply nodded, hoping the woman would find some other youkai to occupy her. Rin followed the natural stream of youkai to a large outside terrace with large tables piled high with food. She sat next to Kagome and Inuyasha at one of the smaller tables. Unconsciously, she searched every face and felt every aura for her Lord. But she knew better, Sesshoumaru did not attend frivolous parties such as these. Rin saw her then, with her pale, slightly blue tinted skin and dark black hair. Standing, Rin rushed over to the girl just as she turned around. There they stood facing each other for a moment.

"Rin?" Kia asked with slight awe in her voice.

She nodded. "It's been so long Kia. How have you been?"

Kia threw her arms around her in a tight embrace. "Oh Rin, I have heard so many things about you! Youkai back home speak as if you are eight feet tall, ugly and deformed with enormous power. I was expecting to see you hobble about." The young water-youkai laughed. "But you are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined! How is life in the West?"

Rin, expecting this question all night was better prepared to explain than she thought. "I have been expelled from the West. Permanently." She held up a hand when Kia, shocked, went to ask. "For what reasons," Rin sighed. "I am still uncertain. My Lor- Lord Sesshoumaru had declared that if he ever sees me in the West, he will kill me immediately."

Kia was quiet for a moment. "I do not know how this could be. Will you try to find the reason? Meet him outside the Western Lands?"

Rin shook her head. "He hardly ever travels outside the West unless he is following Totosai to one of his many dens or fighting mortal enemies."

"Does he not attend the annual winter solstice festival?"

Rin held still. Sesshoumaru attended those festivals at a whim. If he felt he would benefit in any way he would go, but many times he didn't. "Sometimes, if he desires to. That festival is not for another half a year, though."

Kia nodded enthusiastically, "And in that time, perhaps he will have reconsidered or cooled down enough to at least explain your exile."

Rin sighed as the two walked. She had no hunger, and had no desire to stay and look interested while they all fawned over Ishan, the honoree, turning another bloody year. She turned to her long-time friend. "Have you sparred recently?"

"No, no time to. Father has been traveling, trying to petition for some new order he wants passed for all youkai around Nippon. I've been with him all this time, you?"

"Me either. Inuyasha refuses to spar with me and well, everyone else is too weak. I usually fight full blooded youkai or powerful hanyou, but humans I cannot. I forget how fragile they are."

Kia laughed. "You speak as if you are not ningen yourself."

Rin chuckled as well, but inside she burned. She could not help it. That specific desire would always sear her. "I wish I were not." She glanced around; they looked to be alone. "Care to spar for a bit? I promise we won't get ourselves dirty."

Kia looked around as well. "Well I suppose if it is very quick."

"Very." Rin echoed. She swept her hand out in a gesture. "After you princess."

________________________________________

 

Inuyasha was sure he was the first to feel it. His ears flickered and caught the soft boom of some sort of attack hitting the forest nearby. For reasons unknown, he knew it was Rin. Her presence was not being missed right now but it was rude of her to disappear and she knew such. Discretely, Inuyasha slipped away and ran toward the commotion, but just as he was nearing, a large water wave that was anything but natural rose to almost blot out the sun. Knowing there was no way that no one else saw that, the hanyou picked up the pace and was in time to dodge water blasts with pressure that could have put a hole in his chest.

Rin giggled feeling carefree for the first time since she was kicked from her home. Kia raced by borrowing water from a large lake near them. She threw blasts at Rin as the other girl dodged in her underclothes and always managed to just miss Kia with a dagger or short sword. Both girls’ hair had fallen from their elaborate fixes and were hanging free and wild from their fight. Rin's long wavy and dark brown; Kia’s long straight and black. They laughed like children, like nothing was amiss and before Inuyasha could call the two to heel, he felt the presence of some other demons rushing to see what had caused such a commotion.

Rin leapt high using trees to cover from the force of Kia's blasts she hacked at small branches with her daggers and threw them like spears to knock the youkai off balance. Rin saw an opening and leapt at her, twisting in the air to avoid a long stream of water aimed for her head. Kia moved to the left in time to miss a dagger and Rin used her shoulder as a rebound to pushed off in another direction. Kia fell off balance and splashed into the water while Rin hit the earth in a tumble. Kia resurfaced laughing. "When did you become so sneaky?" He laughing died abruptly as she and Rin looked at the full court attendance in nothing but their thin white robe, sticking to them now with water and sweat. Inuyasha was there in a moment, practically yanking Kia from the water, thrusting her with Rin and wrapping his hoari around the both of them.

"Hurry and dress." Was all he said as he pushed them toward the piles of fine silk near a tree. The girls hurried, huddled under Inuyasha's large hoari, took their clothes and quite literally ran away. Inuyasha stuck his hands inside the sleeves of his kosode and with a sigh trekked back to the court terrace. He arrived to see Kagome, Sango, and Miroku along with a few other youkai, had not moved. "Great, now more gossip." The hanyou sighed.

Kagome gave a wry smile. "I take it that had something to do with Rin?"

The hanyou shrugged. "She was sparring with Kian's daughter. The two of them could have been smart enough to not make such a big racket."

Kia was dressed first and she hurried around in a flurry. "Oh this is really not good. Father will be so mad at me for embarrassing him. Hurry Rin, we must go!"

The human woman struggled with her obi and outer robes. "Just go Kia, hopefully you’re allowed to see me again before you return to you lands." Kia nodded and rushed off as Rin tried to re-pin her hair in a replica of what it once was. If she could just get to Kagome or Sango they could re-do it for her. She was just sticking a long thin pin into her hair when she felt a demon near. Not wanting to act too quickly she waited and continued fixing her hair but the demon seemed content to watch her. Rin began to get a nervous feeling. If this demon meant her some harm, but was nobility, it would be a sticky situation now that she was not under the protection of Sesshoumaru. She would have to stand regular trial and could be executed for killing or even maiming any noble youkai. Rin stood and began to walk back toward the inner courtyard. She acted startled when the brown face of Ishan appeared next to her.

"Hello there, Lady Rin." He said with an amicable tone. "Your spar was most amusing with Princess Kia. I suppose one could not expect less from one trained in the house of the West." Ishan had his hair pulled into a top knot making its bright pigment more prominent. Rin could see how blue it was in his roots, and the transition it made until it was a startling white on the ends.

"I thank you." She replied with a polite nod. "Congratulations on another happy birthday. I trust you are enjoying your party?"

"Yes, I was most looking forward to seeing you."

Rin paused, seeming stunned and pleased. "Why Lord Ishan, would you look forward to seeing me, an exile from the West?"

Ishan continued walking. "It is no secret Sesshoumaru safeguarded you there so no other demon could contest your attention from his. Your exile should be treated like your freedom."

It was all Rin could do to not stab him in his neck for his lack of respect in forgetting her Lord’s title. Still she smiled. "I have never thought of it that way. Youkai do not comingle with ningen unless to use them as consorts, and I am no consort." She let a threatening edge seep into her voice in case Ishan had other ideas.

Ishan nodded complacently. “I would agree with you, Lady Rin. However modern times have an easier life for hanyous and ningen-youkai relationships. Especially if the ningen is royal or special in some way." He looked down into her eyes.

Rin nodded and looked away, beginning their walk again. "I have been raised to believe all ningen-youkai relationships were disgusting and impossible. I do see, however, that that is not really the case. My host Inuyasha, hanyou though he is, is very strong and brave with a family of his own. And he is the product of the most infamous case of a youkai loving a human. I think modern times, do shed an easier light on hanyous and interspecies relations."

"Ahh yes. Sesshoumaru in known for his radical views in keeping tradition alive. However, he, himself has raised a ningen to be more powerful than many youkai. What a contradiction, don't you agree?" Rin was saved from answering as they had broken into the clearing and Kagome, the first to see them, had rushed over.

"Rin your hair looks terrible! Come with me, hurry!" She whispered in a huff.

Ishan captured Rin's hand before she could be dragged off. "I hope to continue our conversation later?" His white gaze looked her deep into her own and kissed her hand. She nodded politely and allowed herself to be tugged away by Kagome.

________________________________________

 

Inuyasha looked uneasy at her request. This whole thing was just so sudden and didn’t seem like a good idea. "Rin, just promise me you won't run off to the West? I don't want Sesshoumaru to kill you."

Rin nodded, feeling the familiar sting in her chest whenever anyone said anything like that. "I give you my word, Inuyasha. I will not enter the West."

The hanyou nodded. "Fine then." He looked to Lady and Lord Sashine. "I will leave her with you. Please protect her." His voice was polite but the gold in his eyes flashed dangerously before he turned and left. Kagome bowed politely and waved goodbye to Rin before walking to catch up with Inuyasha. The girls had had they’re private moment earlier.

Lady Sashine turned to Rin, who was still watching her companions exit. "Do not worry little one, you will be safe here. Lord Sesshoumaru has not issued a bounty on your head. There should be no attempts on your life if that is what he was worried about."

Rin nodded. "Yes, Madam."

Lady Sashine waved a hand and maids came at her beckon. "Now please escort Lady Rin to her chambers. Prepare a bath and fresh robes."

Rin was slightly excited. Kia had come to tell Rin that she and her father were staying in the Middle Provinces for a while and begged Rin to do the same. Rin was sure some time around her friend would do her some good. She loved Inuyasha and Kagome, and the two always stressed that she should ‘move on’ and find her own passions. Rin was resolved to at least _try_. And if that didn’t work out …

There was always the quick fix or a blade to the jugular.  
________________________________________

Sesshoumaru stared at the angry blades on his wall. They wailed and protested the seals that kept them from flying off in search of Rin. He could see the chains of energy wrapping and twining themselves over the blades again and again like restless cats. They would continue this way until they were either put in Rin's hands, they were destroyed, or she was killed. Sesshoumaru was not sure which option he was interested in at the moment. He could hear the footfalls of his imp coming to disrupt him; as much as Jaken had complained about the human girl he was still unsure of Rin's effect on him.

Jaken knocked only twice. Lately Sesshoumaru had been much more withdrawn and ruthless, killing almost everyone that showed any sort of remorse for Lady Rin's exile. "Enter." He was rewarded with. Jaken stepped within the large dark room. His master sat on his large bed staring at the eerie blades that would keep neither still nor quiet.

"Lady and Lord Sashine send their regrets that you could not make it to Lord Ishan's celebration." Sesshoumaru did not respond. He did not care. Jaken fidgeted and continued. "Lord Nanjo wishes to know if you will host the Winter Solstice festival on your lands?" The Lord seemed to twitch but still did not offer a remark. "King Kian says he will be visiting soon and is bringing Princess Kia as well. Also, Lord Zenno wishes for the trade meeting to be moved up to the beginning of fall." Sesshoumaru lowered his gaze in thought. He would not host the Winter Solstice although it was his turn. He had already hosted the youkai festival and although it was tradition to host both when they fell within the such a close period, he felt he had done enough. He was considering turning down Kian simply because he wanted no youkai in his house when he was unsure where loyalties were lying.

"You may inform Nanjo that he will have to host the Winter Solstice again this year. Also, inform a messenger to intercept Kian, there are no visitors permitted in the West at this time. As far as Zenno is concerned I will meet him personally as agreed, sooner than the fall. Inform him that I may need a favor," Sesshoumaru raised his gaze to the struggling twin blades Ijo and Yijo. "to shut this infernal noise once and for all."

________________________________________

Rin breathed in the fresh air. It was high summer and the surrounding tree blossoms were alive; they floated in the air, spiraling down to land on Rin like soft fragrant rain. She giggled to herself as one landed on her nose. She had been a guest in the Middle Province palace for almost two weeks now. Every time Rin suggested going back to Inuyasha's home the couple refused, saying it was refreshing to have her there. Ishan had to travel to the Northern Lands to trade and was just coming back. Preparations for his return had been given to Rin so she did not feel so useless. Kia and her father had left only two days before. It seemed some plans had changed so they were off to the Isles provinces before heading back home. Rin was glad she had spent some time with her friend. Already she could feel herself healing. She knew what it was she had to do to recover. The question was; did she want to do it? She knew she had to build a life outside of Sesshoumaru. In a way, Ishan had been right. Her Lord had kept her sheltered, she hardly knew anyone, outside of Inuyasha’s pack, on a personal level. But it was hard trying to force herself to _not_ think of Sesshoumaru.   
She found that the more she searched within herself, the more she realized how very long she had loved him for, and how impossible her love for him was. It hurt far too much.

"You look beautiful covered in blossoms."

Rin jumped at the unknown voice and reacted on instinct. She flipped from her sitting position, backward on one hand, to level a blade to the throat of Ishan Sashine. Ishan slid his eyes to his left, wide with the speed of her reaction. Hurriedly, she tucked the blade away and bowed. "My apologies Lord Ishan, you startled me very much. I hope I did not hurt you in anyway." Rin mentally hit herself over the head. Such carelessness could result in disaster if she had harmed him.

"No, no!" Ishan placed a hand on Rin's shoulder. “I apologize for startling you, I didn't mean to." He hooked his finger under her chin to raise her from her bow. "I did mean what I said though, you look beautiful covered in blossoms."

Rin was taken aback. What was she to do? What was she to say to this? She’d never been approached in such a manner before, certainly Sesshoumaru would not have allowed it. Rin found herself floundering. Was there some polite rebuttal she had been taught or etiquette that she had forgotten? She smiled shakily "Thank you, Lord Ishan."

He smiled an easy smile and Rin found the corners of her mouth turning upward, slightly. "Please, call me Ishan. I want us to be good friends. May I simply call you Rin?" He began to walk and gestured for her to join him. Rin thought for a moment. If she were in the West, Sesshoumaru would have been irate if she were to accept such a gesture of familiarity.

"Yes, and thank you. I want us to be good friends too." 

There was silence but Rin hardly noticed. She was captured in the wonder of the palace courtyard garden in its full bloom. Many trees with different colored blossoms, intermingling and creating lavished, saturated arrays of color. As they exited the other side Rin came back to reality; she could feel Ishan's eyes on her. Innocently, she turned to see what it was he wanted and he kissed her. Rin froze, unaccustomed to this kind of contact. Ishan moved his lips slightly and Rin felt a tingle go up her spine before he backed away enough to look in her eyes. "You must be the most beautiful ningen that has ever existed, because you are certainly, the most beautiful female I have ever seen, youkai and all." Ishan backed away, taking Rin's gaping expression and silence as awe. "Good day, Lady Rin."

Rin stood still for long afterward. For some reason, she felt as if she had betrayed someone, as if she had given something away, which was stupid. That was her first kiss and yet she didn't feel as if she had wanted to give it to Ishan. Rin berated herself. Her love for Sesshoumaru was so stubbornly, thoroughly and inconveniently true that it filled every part of her. There was no room for anyone else. And Sesshoumaru couldn’t want her, not some weak, human female. She had no one to betray by giving away her kisses.

And yet, something told her it was betrayal yet.


	4. Just a glimpse of him

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Four

Lord Hibina prowled agitatedly around his chamber. It was irritating news to hear Rin had moved to the Middle provinces as such derailed his plans a bit. "Juno report!" He snarled.

The kitsune messenger appeared, bowed, behind his Lord. "The ningen woman has indeed developed a relationship with Ishan. I cannot tell how serious it is or if Lady Rin feels any intimate attraction to him. I can say, my Lord, that they have not mated each other yet, but the young prince certainly has designs on her." Hibina growled to himself and waved the kitsune away. Things were not following the sequence he had originally thought. He would have to find a way to wiggle himself in between Ishan and Rin before things got serious. Hibina summoned his servants, instructing them to ready his things for travel. 

Soon he would begin ‘trade’ with the Middle provinces.

________________________________________

 

Rin sighed again. It seemed the rain would stop no time soon. She hadn't realized how much time she spent out of the palace, and today it was all too apparent. Lady Sashine took advantage of this day and had ordered new kimonos for Rin, consequentially Rin had to be fitted all day. The girl had given up trying to sneak out and had resigned herself to standing, for hours on end, and being measured and poked in every way possible. Lady Sashine stood watch like a guard dog.

"My Lady, is it necessary for so many measurements?" Rin finally asked what she had been wanting to all day.

The Lady nodded. "My dear, if one does not measure, then how is one to know how much material is needed? All these measurements are necessary so that the kimonos drape nicely the way they are envisioned. Or if desired the kimono can hug the curves of the body the way they are envisioned."

Rin was quiet as she absorbed this food for thought. Her Lord always had made loose fitting kimonos for her that synched her waist and draped down straight so that she could move her legs. Rin had seen the styles that fit the female form like a glove and even hindered walking in smooth, long strides. Rin did not want that. "My Lady, if I may ask, I would not like for you to make any kimonos for me that hinder walking or quick movement."

Lady Sashine gave a knowing smirk. "I would never, my dear." She closed a fan she had been playing with, in a snap. "I am going to ready another guest room; it seems the Southern Lands have something they wish to trade us for. Meanwhile, I trust you will stay here and not sneak off. I need you to have a fresh wardrobe of kimonos if you are to accompany me to the Winter Solstice festival." With that, the Lady left Rin to bear being turned and thrusted about. Rin was eternally glad when at last the females asked Rin to describe patterns of her liking or her favorite colors and went about their way. The moon was high and the rain had given the land a fresh cool atmosphere that was heaven in the dead heat of summer. Even though fall was approaching and the heat should have been dwindling down, Rin knew this summer would last longer than others. 

There was a knock on her door and she could sense Lord Ishan on the other side. She had been trying to avoid being anywhere alone with him since his stolen kiss. It wasn't that she had hated it, but she hadn't really known it was going to happen and she had severely mixed feelings. What she didn't need was to create an ultimatum or awkward feelings in the house she was a guest in.

"You may enter." She called reluctantly, opening the shoji doors to her balcony. Maids and manservant rushed about below, carting goods and cleaning. Ishan stood beside her watching the bustle. "They are preparing for another guest? I heard Lady Sashine say briefly that the Southern ambassador is coming to trade?"

Ishan nodded not looking at all perturbed by this. "Yes, but the Southern ambassador is not coming, the Lord himself is."

"Oh, Lord Hibina? Why would he come all this way just to make trade?"

Ishan shrugged. "Do you know him?" he asked a little taken aback.

Slowly, Rin nodded. She supposed she could say he was the reason she was exiled, but she didn't think it was truly and fault of his own. For him, it was all just a misunderstanding. "We danced at the Hi-to-Tozen." She decided to leave the other bit of history out. "Are you acquainted with him?" she asked trying to move the subject.

Ishan nodded enthusiastically, a smile lighting up his tanned features. "We are good friends. I spend my winters in the South, usually because I don't really like the cold and the land is full of hi-youkai. They practically warm the country themselves." He chuckled a little. "Plus we are about the same age; he's a little older of course but only by a decade or two."

Rin nodded, taking this in. "He is an extremely young ruler."

"Yes, but he rules his country well, would you not say?"

Rin shrugged offhandedly. "I was not educated on regular Southern politics, only its history. My Lord made sure that I did not waste time learning about subjects he deemed unimportant."

Ishan laughed in a slightly insulting way. "So what were you instructed on?"

Rin took a moment to gather her thoughts. "I was taught the intricate history of the Western Lands, Eastern Lands, Middle Provinces and the Underwater Province. I was educated on the history of the relationships between ningen and youkai, the ningen anatomy, the youkai anatomy, including all their pressure points. Also, noble mannerisms, human and youkai reproduction, observation and assassination skills, survival, and how to run a household."

Ishan chuckled. "You forgot your combat training. What weapons do you know how to use."

For some reason Rin felt uneasy answering this question, but she thought about it. Even if she did tell him, it was not like it would hinder the fact that she knew how to use them. "I can wield a wakizashi, katana, zanbatou, naginata, bo, twin tanto, kunai, long bow, short bow and sai."

Ishan looked at her astonished, his perception of her changing. Such an innocent package and yet, she was a killing machine. "Did you leave anything out?"

It took Rin a moment to figure out he was joking. She covered her mouth and forced a maidenly giggle. "No, I do not believe I am." Rin suddenly sobered. "It does not matter though, my blades are not here with me and I am not as well acquainted with other forms of weaponry. I simply know the basics."

Ishan smirked. "Well then, would you like to spar tomorrow, first thing in the morning?"

Rin looked wary for a moment. "I do not think that would be such a good idea."

Ishan cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Why not, Rin?"

Rin blushed suddenly piquing the young Lord's curiosity. "Well, in the West I used to spar with youkai all the time until…" She trailed off embarrassed. Ishan pegged her further, needing to know what happened. "until I killed a general by accident. Then few would willingly spar with me. Often my—often Lord Sesshoumaru would make a solider or minister he was displeased with, spar with me as a form of punishment. I was always instructed to hold nothing back so it could hardly be held against me. If the youkai survived, then he was humiliated. I was always worried that resentment would grow toward me but my Lo—but Lord Sesshoumaru assured me I had nothing to worry about. So I never worried." Rin spoke in a rush. She didn't know why she was embarrassed to admit this. It brought back memories of one night spent cleaning the blood of another fallen general off her swords, when she’d heard them talking amongst themselves. They called her words like "freak" or "beast" and Rin remembered that being the first time she felt unfeminine and ugly. Ever since that day she became embarrassed whenever anyone praised her on defeating another youkai; something she knew Sesshoumaru simply had not been able to understand.

Ishan stared straight ahead trying to digest what was being told to him. This woman, this ningen woman was a force to be reckoned with and yet he was curious. "I will spar with you. We shall both be careful to bear no harm toward the other." They fell into a comfortable silence and watched the busied scene below them. Rin was suddenly aware of how close Ishan stood to her; her heart picked up slightly from fear he would make another advance. She still didn’t know what should be done about the first time! Rin calmed herself, she was used to mellowing her demeanor in battle, but this was a different kind of fight. She wondered if it would go unnoticed if she moved away a bit and created some space that she could have sworn had been there just a moment previos. There was a knock against her door and Rin thanked Kami-sama as she flew to open it.

A maid bowed. "Lady Rin, Lady Sashine requests that you join her for a bath." Rin accepted and with a farewell to Ishan the two parted ways. She was going to have to watch Ishan much more closely.

Lady Sashine was already submersed into the steaming water by the time Rin arrived. The maids practically ripped the clothing from the young ningen's body and left her alone with the Lady of the palace. Rin let down her thick wavy hair, to idle at the back of her thighs. She wondered if perhaps it had gotten just a tad too long? Sesshoumaru kept his hair at a similar length but that always seemed to arise from indifference than preference. Lady Sashine's hair floated all around her in a large pool of blank white. The lack of color reminded her of her Lord's hair, but his was silver and tinted, depending on the light, while this youkai tresses were simply albino. Rin slowly eased herself in the hot water. "My Lady, if I may ask, how did your skin get such a rich brown?"

Lady Sashine seemed to awaken from a steam induced stupor. "Sun, my dear. Centuries of sun has backed me a golden brown. It was one of my attributes that attracted Kazekari, that and our similar eyes." Rin took time to study the older female. She was beautiful to no doubt. The wind youkai carried an easy grace that commanded authority, but around her husband it seemed as if she was submissive like a good wife. "And you, my dear? As much sun as the West receives, and I know you like to spend time outdoors, still you are as pale as Lord Sesshoumaru himself. How is that?"

Rin thought it over. "I am not sure. I must be my genes. Thankfully, I don’t burn like other humans." The ningen scrubbed her hair, Lady Sashine attempting to do the same. However, the Lady had far longer hair than Rin and it was proving to be difficult. Without hesitation Rin moved to help and the youkai allowed her.

"Lord Huyoko Hibina is set to arrive in a few hours or so. We shall have late tea with him before he retires. It is good he gave what little notice he did, too many times that impetuous young Lord has simply shown up on our doorsteps." Rin hummed her approval and continued to comb through her hostess’ exceedingly long hair with a wide bone comb. "I'm afraid we will have to dress in yukatas of last year's fashion, the new ones I ordered have not yet arrived." Lady Sashine prattled on about fashion comings and goings and how ningen fashion and youkai fashion were alike and not. Finally, when Rin felt she was in danger of passing out and drowning, a maid came to tell them it was time to dress if they were to be presentable before Lord Hibina's late arrival.

Rin was given a starch white yukata with blood red cherry blossoms that appeared to gather at her sleeves. Lady Sashine chose a fitted yukata of deep blue that contrasted beautifully with her pale eyes. The Lady wore her hair down, but Rin, unaccustomed to low land heat, requested her hair be twisted about her head and off her neck. A few tendrils that escaped hung down her neck but the thick robe that was her hair was safely bundled atop her head. When the ladies entered the tea room all stood out of respect, including Lord Sashine. Rin was sure this was because of the Lady; she was positive the same response would not be done for just her entrance. But it was gratifyingly new all the same.

She spotted Lord Hibina, who had been talking joyously with both Ishan and Kazekari. He stared openly at Rin as she walked to greet him. "Lord Hibina, Lord Kazekari, Lord Ishan." She bowed politely before turning to Hibina. "It is good to see you again. How was your travel?" Rin asked pleasantly.

The hi-youkai smirked. "Perfect now that I have seen your face. I do believe we left on a bad note." Rin could see where this was going and mentally prepared herself for the insult she was sure would be thrown at her. "Lady Rin, I am sorry for any misfortune I have caused you." Rin was surprised, she was sure her face showed it.

"Lord Hibina, it was not your fault in the least. It was a misunderstanding I assure you. However, my Lor—Lord Sesshoumaru does not forgive well and for now, I am exiled. It was clearly an error of judgment on my part."

Lord Hibina shook his head vigorously, his high black ponytail swinging dramatically across his back. He grasped Rin's hands in a purely sincere gesture. "No, no, Lady Rin. I am convinced and I have decided I will make it up to you somehow. I know it must be terrifying to be exiled from the only home you have known. I feel it is my responsibility to help you the best I can, since I invariably caused this disaster for you." His blood red eyes glowed in a way that caught Rin's attention. For a moment, she was left staring into them.

Finally, he released her hands and Rin nodded dumbly. "As you wish, Lord Hibina."

The demon smiled a fangy smirk. "Very good. Now back to our prior topic of discussion." And like that the small group plunged back into their prior conversation. Rin opened her large fan and fanned herself slowly, unconsciously trying to adjust herself to Middle Land heat. The West was full of highlands, especially the palace, that rested atop a large rise, so the winters were harsh and the summers always breezy. Here the heat seemed to stick to her like oil on skin and it was hard to adjust to. Rin felt her eyes flicker to Hibina subconsciously. He was far more attractive than she remembered and his eyes were alluring in an almost eerie sort of way. Once Rin caught herself staring at Hibina a little too long and felt another pair of eyes on her. She turned her gaze to see Ishan watching her stare at Hibina. She began to blush and wished for nothing more than to retire to her chamber. Sadly, she knew she was fated to stay right in her spot until her host and hostess decided to leave. Such was the fate of a polite guest.

"Lady Rin, are you alright? You have been awfully quiet." Hibina asked.

Rin gave a soft smile, her eye lids at half-mast. "It is nothing, I am just tired."

"But of course, it is late and you ladies need your beauty rest. I suggest we call it a night. Tomorrow, we will have plenty of time to visit." He looked to Kazekari for confirmation. The amiable Lord nodded his consent and the party broke for the night. As Rin was escorted to her room she thought about Hibina's demand to make it up to her. Her last thought of the night, as she closed her eyes and fell into unconsciousness was the slight glow from the depth of those alluring blood red eyes and the natural heat Lord Hibina emanated.

 

________________________________________

 

The night was at its thickest but Sesshoumaru felt like he had slept for years. He was anxious and ready to be about the task of destroying the swords he’d had made for Rin. Jaken, strapped to Au-Un, and one royal envoy was to accompany the Lord. "Everything is ready my Lord. Lord Zenno is expecting you within two days’ journey at the Middle and Northern Lands border. It will be a hard run." The envoy wished to suggest to his Lord that perhaps telling Lord Zenno to expect them in three days would be much more beneficial but he risked offending Sesshoumaru, who was in no shape or form to be offended. Sesshoumaru gave a tight nod.

"Then let us leave." The Lord took off at break neck speed, his dragon a couple meters or so behind him and his envoy a couple meters or so behind Au-Un. Sesshoumaru calculated that if he remained at this speed, then he would be in the heart of the Middle Provinces by midday next day.

________________________________________

 

Rin grunted silently as she miscalculated Ishan's dexterity and had to avoid a last-second swing that could have severed her head. "My Lady, I would appreciate it if you would stop going so easy on me." Ishan seemed a bit annoyed. Rin tip toed around him on the defensive more than offensive simply because she was so scared of hurting him.

"Please Lord Ishan, I have not been taught the meaning of restraint. My Lord did not believe in it, not when it came to battle, mock or not. I could hurt you if I miscalculate." Rin gave a wide flip and maneuvered her sword so that is was behind her back as she steadily dodged Ishan's attacks. To say he was weak was wrong but he fought with a certain amount of arrogance that he had not yet earned in life. Lady and Lord Sashine watched along with Lord Hibina and some of the surrounding youkai royalty that had come to visit with Lord Hibina. Such an audience was both a blessing and a hindrance. Rin really didn’t want to embarrass Ishan. She knew full well that hurting a youkai's pride, especially male, often made enemies in an irrevocable way. Still Rin was growing tired of this game of dodge as well. They had moved to a large open plain a couple miles from the palace where the trees did not hinder the breeze coming inland from the ocean. It was approaching evening, and the hottest part of the day was dwindling down to low beams of sun that would last another hour or two.

Finally Rin replied. "If you wish it, Lord Ishan." Rin flipped her blade in a showy manner. "I will fight you and try to keep from killing you." She spoke with a wry smile and Ishan returned it with as much arrogance as he had been carrying all night.

"Thank you, Lady ningen." Rin sniffed at the title and ran straight for him. He was far away enough where he had time to block an attack but Rin did not attack she jumped over him and lunged her sword backward, hoping she would run him right through. But he was gone. Rin knelt just as the sword sliced through the place where her neck would have been. She thrust both her feet upward, catching Ishan in the chin and sending him sailing forward over her, as she flipped quickly and set to slashing at his clothes. By the time he hit the floor in a tuck and roll his outer robes were scraps. He gave a smile and a nod and tore his hakama off to leave only his white hoari.

"You still want more?" Rin asked, her coy manner flowing almost unconsciously. He ran for her but his time Rin did not doge. With swift calculation Rin moved her arm so that his sword pierced her through the top of her hakama and missed her body completely. She locked one foot on top of his and another behind his heel while she shifted her weight to make him fall. But Ishan forced her foot backward with the simple strength of a youkai making Rin fall into a split between his legs. Unexpected as this was, Rin's mind was still racing and her reflexes firing. She swung her back leg around and up to catch the heel on his arm and with pure acrobatics, hoisted herself up to put the other foot right on his shoulder and launch into the air. Both swords sprung into the air and the sleeve of her hakama fell away to expose her bare arm and shoulder. Rin landed behind Ishan and caught both sword. She set into her stance with a flourish.

Ishan laughed and clapped his hands. "You are truly marvelous, Lady Rin!"

Rin bowed, "I thank you Lord-" Something in her body, _in her chest_ , trembled. Her head snapped toward the West, toward the rapidly declining sun. She could feel it stronger and stronger. The singing hum of her swords Ijo and Yijo, they were moving toward her and they were moving fast.

"Lady Rin?" Ishan was asking what the matter was when Rin dropped the swords and ran. She ran with all her might, not directly toward her swords, but in a path that would meet them. Whoever this was, that had her swords was moving far too fast for Rin to keep up if she headed straight on. She could feel Ishan following her and farther back Hibina but they were too far behind and her unnatural speed was something she did have. They yelled to her, called for her to stop but she didn't listen. She was coming closer to the path of her swords when she felt him. The steady flow of the aura of her Lord, and heedlessly, it filled her with a giddy high. It had been so long that she felt him, she had forgotten how absolutely, overwhelmingly powerful he was. They were heading toward the Northern Lands and she was directly in the path of her Lord. Once she cleared the trees she stopped. He was running in a steady speed that was much too fast. He broke the cover of trees and Rin felt her heart flutter. He was like an angel of death. His long silver hair flew behind him, he had forgone his pelt but Rin could see the hilts of Ijo and Yijo trembling terribly on his back.

He stopped short a hundred yards from her, his eyes seemed to take in her disheveled appearance. Rin was at a loss of what to say or do. Slowly he stalked toward her and Rin wondered if he truly would kill her or not. Either way she would not fight him, her life had always been in his possession; whatever his desire was, would be. But he surprised her, with his golden eyes connected to hers he moved to the side as if to pass by without coming too close to her. Rin felt herself move before she was even aware of what she was doing, and intercepted his path. Sesshoumaru gave a soft growl and Rin saw his dragon and envoy catch up. For once, Jaken had nothing to say.

Sesshoumaru had stopped moving, his eyes glued to Rin as if _she_ were the risk to _his_ life. "My Lord," Rin whispered, she took a small step toward him. She was suddenly struck with the thought, if he really wanted to, he could sail past her and there would be naught that she could do. With a clamor, the swords on his back broke free and sailed, blade first, toward her. Without any real thought, Rin caught the handles as they went by and flipped them together in one hand. She immediately dropped them, she didn't want him to think she was threatening him. The twins, content to be near her, were quiet and submissive. "My Lord," she said again taking another step toward him.

He moved like lightening. So suddenly he was in her face his hand around her throat. Once again she was at a loss of what to do or say. "You mock me, ningen?" Sesshoumaru whispered with vitriol.

It was becoming impossible for Rin to breathe, let alone talk. Still, she did not claw at him or protest his strangling her. She simply tried to _will_ her body to explain herself in spite of her lack of oxygen. Sesshoumaru loosened the grip on her neck and wonderful air came. "No, my Lord." Rin wasted no time pleading. "I would never mock you or purposefully disrespect you, anger you, or dissatisfy you in any way."

Sesshoumaru, as prepared as he thought he would be for this moment, could not compute her words. He was so sure that she was an usurper: that throwing her out of the West was the best decision: that he had not made a mistake. But her pleading and honest voice sounded so inviting. He could not smell deceit and internally, he knew he wished desperately to be wrong. But one thing that had not subsided was the way she made him feel in chaos and his resentment toward her for that alone. He was not aware of how long they stood there staring at each other, Rin trying to will her words into fruition inside his mind and Sesshoumaru trying to find the lie in her eyes that he didn’t know if he wanted there, but he could smell other youkai arriving. Most notably Lord Hibina and Lord Sashine. His hand flexed around her neck and the pair could hear the gasp as Lady Sashine took in the sight with the other male youkai.

Sesshoumaru lowered his face to hers, his eyes bleeding red slightly. "You have lied to me."

"Never." Rin shot back before he could even finish. He scented no fear although his claws could end her life before she blinked. Effortlessly, he threw his arm out sending her sailing nearly twenty yards before she caught herself on her hands and flipped to her feet. Sesshoumaru turned ready to complete his mission, even without her swords, but she was running for him with a quickness Sesshoumaru had forgotten. "My Lord, wait," out of reflexes he spun and extended his claws to swipe at her but she dodged expertly falling to her knees to slide under his arm and on his other side. She stood quickly and held out her hands defensively. "I have never betrayed you! Who has misled you?" He swiped again. Rin moved fast but he was faster and this time he caught her cheek right under her eye. She barely noticed and took a leap backwards. "Please my Lord, believe me."

"Liar." He stated simply and moved to continue on his path but she barred his way yet again. His nails began to drip poison with agitation. "Leave my sight." Slowly his whip began go elongate from his fingers.

"Rin, please!" It was Lady Sashine that called but Kazekari clamped a hand on her shoulder.

"I will not." Rin stated in such a manner that lacked insolence and was full of the solitary conviction of a martyr. Still the Lord was shocked into silence and was genuinely confused when Rin ran toward him. Her hair broke free and she gave a quick jump and locked her arms around his neck her body falling to into place along his. She hugged the astonished Lord. "I am sorry. _Please._ " She whispered. For a moment, nothing happened then quite suddenly he was gone. Rin looked upward to see the ki form of the Daikyoukai flying off toward the North. Au-Un and the envoy followed without a word. Rin was suddenly filled with indignation. "You cannot continue to run from me!" She yelled to the fleeing light. Then more to herself she whispered. "You will see I am innocent of whatever I am accused of." She didn't feel the tears falling down her face, but the salty scent permeated the whole of the field. Lady Sashine was next to her in the next instance. She wrapped a warm hoari around her. Whom’s, Rin was not sure.

"You don't know how hard it was for me to see that just now." The Lady confided in her. "In such a short time, I have grown too fond of you." Rin felt her body shaking. All the fear and adrenaline that she had pushed aside to confront her Lord, was overwhelming her body. Her world was slowly going black. The last thing she remembered, she was being lifted and the breeze of the night air were drying her tears.


	5. Sudden Decisions

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Five

Sesshoumaru felt like hell. Such a thing was rare. His body was trembling, his mind racing, and his wretched senses were reliving the sensations of Rin falling against him. Not even as his ward, had she dared to do such a brazen thing! Damn her, damn that cursed, insufferable ningen! 

The inu-youkai stalked across the top of a high mountain. He should have gone straight to the rendezvous point with Zenno but he was distracted and….flushed. Sesshoumaru growled at the rising sun. Her words sounded so true and rang through his head with a clarity; over and over and over again. He was unable to decide what to do. He hated that most. Around that tiny ningen female, he experienced more indecision than in all his life. Sesshoumaru spent until the sun was well into the sky, stalking around the peak of a stone mountain, often unleashing his frustration on the quiet giants until he came to his solution. His best offense against her would be to stay away, far, far away. With no more hesitation, Sesshoumaru bolted to the Middle Province and Northern Land border. Without needing his favor, his business with Lord Zenno, the wolf youkai Lord of the North, was over quickly and he was left with two options to get home. He could go back the way he came and hope he didn't pass Rin, or he could travel to the edge of the North and sail to the West. The latter option took more time but looked… safer.

By time the sun was setting Sesshoumaru and his company were just leaving the harbor. Jaken inched toward his master. "My Lord, I have just received word that Lord Nanjo is at the palace."

For once Sesshoumaru was glad to hear this. "Good. Tell him to stay, I wish to speak with him."  
________________________________________

Ishan arrived at the make shift harbor, flitting down the cliffs the palace grounds were built on, and pulled on a cloak. He hopped into a small boat made for two and drew his fan in the direction of his choice. The wind obeyed him and soon his little boat was headed around the harbor at a high speed. He needed to be back before dawn, especially since the sun was just setting. A little nook in the coast line indicated he was at the right spot. He turned the ship and headed out farther into the ocean. About five miles out he stopped and waited. A figure materialized, rising from the water like a nymph. Ishan studied the dark hair, the pale tinted, luminescent skin and elegant features. As she stepped into his little boat Ishan turned it back and headed to the nook in the harbor. The couple said nothing. They knew how dangerous their actions were. They knew the risks they were taking and the severity of the consequences should they be caught. Ishan docked the boat to a crag off the cliff and the two flitted up until they found the cave they were looking for. Ishan let his guest precede him, then followed. Only after the two found their secret den did they speak.

"My Love," She exclaimed with passion, wrapping her arms around him. "it has been too long. I thought I would die earlier this year when I was so close to you and yet so far."

Ishan tightened his hold. "I know, but it will not be for long. Soon you will come of age and your official season will start. Then I will be free to court you as we both desire, and our nations will be joined in mating." Ishan held her face. "You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen, youkai and all." He wasted no time crashing his mouth on hers. Slowly their tongues danced. Ishan lowered her atop the heaps of luxurious fabrics and downed quilts. He kissed her slowly and she submitted to his every whim. If he wanted to tilt her head one way then she allowed it, if he wanted to lift her leg then she complied. Her robes fell away, piece by piece, until her naked skin was all that was left. Ishan turned her on her stomach in one swift movement. His lips found the base of her neck and he traveled downward lavishing her body with feathery kisses and dips with his tongue.

He began to strip away his own robes eager to satisfy his craving. His tongue never stopped. He came to the round of her ass and used his hands to massage her flesh. She moaned for him, her sound muffled by fabrics. His tongue dipped into her most secret folds and she arched up to show a lovely bow and every piece of her spine. Ishan moved his tongue, waiting until she was almost dripping before he reared her up and slowly entered from behind. She keened and gasped, shaking her head. He moved slowly building up the pleasure. He could feel each sensation stacking on top of the other. He pulled her up and held her against his chest, while he picked up speed. His thrusts became harder and faster, as did her pants and pleas that he find that bundle inside her and release it. His hand went around to her stomach and slid down to her pleasure.

She was at her cusp. "I- Ish-Ishan!" She called as the wind-youkai moved his hips at swiftly. A face materialized in his mind. He imagined it wrought with pleasure and calling his name. He bit his lip to keep from calling the wrong name. Ishan felt himself coming and pulled out of her, his seed spurted on the fabrics below. Not sure if his partner had come as well, he continued to massage her until she spasmed and he could feel the liquid running down her legs. The two collapsed and for a while, laid in each other's arms, but soon Ishan got up and the two began to dress again.

"When can we meet again, my love?" She asked, worried of the way her lover was acting. He seemed jittery, as if eager to get back.

"I do not know. Things are hectic right now. The Lord of the South is at my home; I was lucky I found time to sneak away. When there is time I will send you a message. Until then, take my love as sustenance." He kissed her deeply and began to pull her out of the cave. Once outside the two donned their cloaks and did not utter another word. The jumped back to the small boat and Ishan commanded the wind back to the place they were before. She cast him one last loving glance as she stepped over the boat and sunk back into the deep blue ocean. 

Ishan sailed back to the make-shift harbor behind the palace and docked his boat. He dug a ditch and took off his clothes. Throwing them in, he set them on fire and stood close to the smoke, letting it permeate his skin and body until all he could smell was the thick smog. Afterward he went for a dip in the ocean and donned the fresh clothing he had prepared. He smelt of nothing but the ocean water, the smoke had neutralized any other odor. As he snuck back into his chamber he was grateful   
for his speed. At least he would have a few hours to sleep.  
________________________________________

Rin stared at the bright moon. She was at a loss. All day she had been in a monotonous glaze, following Lady Sashine like a lost puppy while her mind was miles away. She couldn't even remember what she had eaten for dinner, _if_ she had eaten dinner. She didn't feel hungry or thirsty, enraged or even sad. Just lost. She had fallen to sleep but a couple hours after she had woken up, restless and feeling the void in herself open wider. However, there were no tears and for that Rin was sure she was making progress. She reminded herself that she needed sleep to be refreshed in the morning but found that she could not. So Rin sat on her terrace and stared at the moon, her legs crossed and her hands resting on each knee. She meditated, internally organizing herself and her feelings. Lady Sashine had told her that these were the laziest days, between the Winter solstice and Lord Hibina's birthday in the height of fall. 

Rin knew what she needed. She needed to get out and explore. She had been with the Sashine house for almost two months now and as hospitable as they were, they were too quiet and docile for her tastes. She better preferred the noisy argumentative, almost violent, atmosphere at Inuyasha's home, than the quiet tranquility of the Middle Provinces Palace.

The face of a mentor of hers popped into her head. She would travel there and seek wisdom. He was the only one with enough knowledge to answer the crazy questions roaming in her head. There were some things she just did not understand about her Lord. She was sure Mizan Nanjo would know everything there was to know about him and right now she needed someone who wasn't afraid of Sesshoumaru to speak truthfully to her. She was almost positive Lord Mizan was the only one. The sun was rising when she set out a piece of parchment and wrote her letter; better to decide before the Lady had a chance to talk her out of it.   
It was rude of her, but she was confident she would be forgiven.   
________________________________________

"I see you've made yourself at home." Sesshoumaru spoke to the figure reading in his personal garden. "I will be with you shortly, I wish to bathe." Nanjo simply nodded not bothering to look up from the scroll he was reading. Sesshoumaru returned a while later wearing only a pair of thin hakama. The summer nights were starting to cool into fall but they were still too hot for his liking. He would rather wear nothing at all, but knew that such behavior improper of one with his blood. "You wish to speak with me?" Sesshoumaru asked, jumping up to what was now his usual perch in his favorite tree.

Nanjo set down his scroll and hopped in an opposite branch. He sighed. "Why pup, is it when I am away you make the strangest decisions?"

Sesshoumaru growled lightly but there was no true anger in it. He was ready to face this topic, for some reason he needed someone else's opinion on the matter. Maybe it would give him some sort of clue if his decision was the right one. Not that he would ever tell Nanjo this. "She is a traitor, an usurper." He opened with.

"Who told you this?" Nanjo asked with the quiet patience of his years.

"I inferred such."

"What brought you to this conclusion?"

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to retort but closed it suddenly. What had convinced him of her treachery? He thought back to that night. "She told me she loved me." He said, almost as if to himself rather than the demon sitting across from him.

"So she is a traitor and usurper because she loves you?"

Sesshoumaru grit his teeth not liking how foolish Nanjo was making him sound. "She knows better than to utter such words in my house. _I do not love_. She was baiting me Nanjo, trying to make me contradict myself and everything I stand for." There was a quiet fury in his voice as he spoke.

Nanjo was silent for a moment. "Sesshoumaru, do you forget what she is?"

Sesshoumaru was confused by the question. "You mean human?"

"Yes, and what else?"

"Young."

"Well, yes, but what else?"

"Strong, independent, resourceful, loyal."

"Well, I suppose you can scratch loyal off, according to you. But that was not what I meant. Despite even, her speed and strength, Rin is but a ningen _woman_. You can toughen her exterior Sesshoumaru, but you cannot forget that she has instincts greater than you. Just because she has fallen in love with you, does not mean she is trying to plot a secret rebellion against you, or trying to kill you in your sleep, crazy pup."

Sesshoumaru was quiet for a long, long while. He thought about his mentor's words. "I understand what you say, Nanjo. But if she cannot control her emotions, if this ningen instinct is far too strong for her, then it is best that she not serve the West any longer. It is time she live her life elsewhere."

Nanjo studied Sesshoumaru. "Your father left you something." Sesshoumaru's head snapped up. "He told me to _‘Keep it until the day my son knows the helplessness and suffering of love.'_ " The old inu-youkai jumped down from his perch. Sesshoumaru did not respond. "If you wish to see it you must come to my home. I cannot bring it to the West." Nanjo began to leave.

"What is it?" Sesshoumaru called.

Nanjo looked back at him, an old cunning in his eye. "You will see it when you come." With that the old dog left Sesshoumaru to his thoughts.

________________________________________

"Are you absolutely positive you must leave?" Lady Sashine seemed as close to sentimental as Rin ever remembered her seeing. 

"I must, my Lady. I apologize. I will be back to accompany you to the Winter Solstice Festival, I promise." Rin smiled reassuringly. Lady Sashine nodded, seeming defeated.

"I do hope you remain safe. I know you are strong, but your head is a pretty one to conquer. There are many that would love to say they were the ones to kill you Rin, please remember that."

"Are you still not sure where you are going?" Lord Hibina asked, his face the perfect picture of concern. Rin had made sure she told them this morning that this was something she needed to do alone and she had no idea where she was going other than stopping by Inuyasha's village, and for that she needed no escort.

"No, I do not. I think I just need time to myself to clear my head." She looked away. "Perhaps find the more ningen part of myself." No one responded. Rin was used to it by now. Youkai often forgot she was ningen after mere hours of familiarity. She bowed again, seeing Lady and Lord Sashine's faces of quiet disapproval but acceptance, Lord Hibina's face of concern but understanding, and Ishan's face of confusion and blatant disapproval. "I will be back soon." Rin hopped on the gifted large black stallion and sped expertly toward the south where she would hit Inuyasha's village and continue downward until she hit the Eastern Lands.   
She rode hard until well past midnight, encountering absolutely no ningen, no youkai and little wildlife. By the time she reached Inuyasha's village her stallion was in great need for rest and Rin felt the same.

Inuyasha met her at the gate. "Back already?" He asked with a warm smile. "Kagome missed you like crazy kid. Come on you look like hell. Get some rest and you women can catch up in the morning." Rin simply nodded glad that here, she could be relaxed and informal. Here, she felt more safe and here she felt closer to home. But it would never be a perfect substitute.

________________________________________

Lord Mizan was traveling home on his dragon when his kitsune envoy Hojishi appeared next to him. "My Lord, you have received a message from Lady Rin." The messenger handed Nanjo the rolled parchment. The old inu-youkai read it quietly. Finally, he turned to Hojishi.

"Tell the house to prepare two rooms. It seems we will have visitors." Hojishi bowed before disappearing again. Nanjo contemplated this predicament. He wondered if it was wise to hole Sesshoumaru and Rin in the same palace. Especially with the gossip floating around that Sesshoumaru swore to kill her the next time he saw her. But Nanjo knew. He could tell just by looking at the pup. Sesshoumaru would just as soon tear off his left arm again, than kill Rin. He wasn't sure if he could say 'love' just yet, but Sesshoumaru had something very close to it for Rin. An actual place in that frost box inside his chest that most people would call a heart.

The old dog chuckled, “No reward is without its risk.”


	6. Getting an Understanding

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Six

Rin woke to the smell of fresh cooked meat meant for breakfast. Inuyasha's small palace was the only one Rin knew where the Lady of the house cooked. Kagome hummed as Rin rounded into the kitchen, half stumbling from slumber with the smell drawing her like a tangible lead. She plopped down cross legged at the table in the corner of the kitchen. In a way, Kagome's home was very unusual but had an inviting and almost familial comfort about it.

Kagome giggled as she eyed the barely conscious Rin. "Was it the smell that woke you?" Rin nodded, yawned and scratched her head at the same time. "Here," Kagome placed a plate full of some sort of cooked meat strips and rice balls that smelled delicious. "hurry and eat this before-"

"Oy wench!" Inuyasha stomped in. "What did I tell you about sharing my baikeds!"

Kagome tried not to laugh. "Its bacon, dog boy, and be nice. Rin is a guest."

Inuyasha eyed the plate full of meat and rice. Rin watched him, warily moving the plate closer to her person. Quick as lightning he snatched two pieces up and stuffed them in his mouth. Rin cried her outrage by snatching Inuyasha's hair and wailing out Kagome's name.

"I saw that! Sit boy!" Kagome yelled almost simultaneously. Inuyasha's face went into the polished wooden floor. Rin let go of his hair and Kagome had forgotten they weren't outside with the soft dirt to cushion his fall. Both women looked at each other and laughed while Inuyasha picked himself up and quietly plotted the stealing of more baikeds.

________________________________________

Rin inhaled the fresh uninhabited air. She flitted, with no small difficulty, to the next tree some almost thirty feet away. She was getting rusty. She had challenged Inuyasha to some sparring, grateful that she wouldn't have to hold back on the resilient hanyou, and had found out that her few months in an almost stalemate like behavior had ridden her complacent. 

Rin could sense his aura. It was a lot like Sesshoumaru's only less, malignant; almost carefree. And yet it was not strength he lacked from Sesshoumaru, it was a sense of ruthlessness and mercilessness that was interpreted as weakness as a rule by youkai. It was his human heart that made his aura so outstanding from his brothers. She found it easier and easier to get back into her old grove, leaping from branch to branch, pausing at random intervals to hear the slightest twinge in a branch or rustle in the leaves. But this was Inuyasha's forest, he knew every sapling and leaf here. So far Rin had absolutely no idea where he was.

"Oh come on Inuyasha! We could do this all year and I would never find you." Rin paused on a particularly high branch, hoping to spot the tell tale sign of red that she always imagined would be his downfall. She spotted nothing. Suddenly shards of something sharp whizzed by her. She moved purely out of reflex only. She glanced back to see it was his blood. It dissolved from shards to pool and slide down the tree. Rin grinned and leapt in the direction they had been released. Inuyasha met her halfway, Tensaiga poised in the air to slash her in half. She had Yijo unleashed and parried in the split second that would have cost her, her life.

Inuyasha chuckled. "You've gotten slow Rin. What happened, no one up there could keep you busy?" He rained another blow on her that almost knocked her to her feet. Inuyasha out powered her by many measures, but Rin was and probably always would be, more agile and dexterous than he was. She shifted to the side and his force locked the blades in the dirt. With a little boost she landed a well placed knee to his temple and the hanyou went skidding a couple feet before he hit a tree. Rin laughed and charged while he pulled himself back up. Inuyasha threw his hand out and more shards of his blood went for her torso. Rin hit the dirt just in time and moved before Tensaiga would split her. Rin had always wondered if the sword was as heavy as it looked, or as light as Inuyasha made it look. The hanyou hacked at her with speed she was amazed at, but also noted it was not with half the force he would use on a youkai. She unleashed Ijo and began to attack with one while she parried with the other. It did little good. Tensaiga was so huge it could attack and parry at the same time. Inuyasha simply attacked diagonally and Rin was left to find an opening and try to maneuver her swords to fit inside.

Finally the two were exhausted and simply stared at each other. "Feel better kiddo?' Inuyasha panted.

Rin nodded with a goofy grin on her face. "You have no idea. The Middle is far to social for my tastes. So many unspoken rules, none of which have anything to do with combat, honor or respect." The in a smaller voice she added. "Not like the West."

Inuyasha scratched his ear. "Yeah I know. Nothing is quite like home. But you can always make home Rin." The hanyou, unused to helping anyone emotionally, switched topics in a hurry. "So where are you headed?"

Rin raised a brow to the sky. "How do you know I'm not staying here?"

"You rode a horse." The hanyou chuckled. "I'm not stupid. You thinking of going back West?"

Rin sighed. Inuyasha thought she was on a suicide run. "No, I'm going to see Nanjo-san. He has some answers I really need, if I'm to ever start a life of my own. I can be left to wonder. I need to know."

Inuyasha was quiet for a moment. "What are you looking to find out?" He asked although he was almost positive he already knew.

"Just…just-just why!" Rin exploded. This had to be the first time she could honestly say she was angry with her Lord. "Why is he denying me? Why does he not believe me? Why have I been exiled? Why won't he tell me? Why is he being so stubborn?" Rin could feel the tears coursing now. They were old tears though, shed a million times over already. She barely took notice. She suddenly sat up and swiveled to face Inuyasha. "He says he does not love. Why is that?"

The hanyou had it in his right mind to shrug but something in the back of his mind tugged at him. "The last person Sesshoumaru probably loved was our father. Then when my father fell in love with my mother, well, he felt betrayed. He's just scared to open himself again, he's just afraid to be hurt. It is the youkai way Rin. What demon would relinquish power of themselves over to someone else? That is what love does Rin, it makes you helpless and vulnerable. That's why I fought with Kagome so much in the beginning. But my heart is half human, Sesshoumaru's is not." He glanced a sad look toward Rin, he knew in that look what Miroku had been speculating. Rin was in love with his half brother. "It is best if you don't keep trying Rin. It won't do anything but hurt you. There are so many reasons why he would not love. And then there are so many more why he would not love you. You understand right?"

Rin flopped back down and resumed looking at the sky. She didn't answer because although she understood, she wasn't going to stop trying to find answers. But one thought did come to mind. "I don't need him to love me Inuyasha. I just need him." The exhausted girl sat up and the two of them struggled back to his home. Time passed easily at Inuyasha's estate.

One night Rin and the women laughed around the fire. Inuyasha blushed horribly as the three continued to tease him relentlessly. The moon was full and Rin felt drunk with happiness but something was calling to her. They quieted down and just watched the stars move. "I'm going to leave in the morning." Rin said suddenly.

Kagome gasped. "Really? Why, you've only been here two days?"

Rin flinched, not liking the hurt tone in the older woman's voice. "I know but I have something I have to do. I have to go soon, to the East. I won't be long. I'll definitely be back for long enough to visit with you before I'm whisked off for the Winter Solstice festival."

Kagome pouted but relented. "Fine, but next time you must stay at least a week!"

Rin grinned and nodded. "As you wish." The women giggled and soon they were all asleep. Inuyasha cradled Kagome, her back to his chest. And Kagome cradled Rin, her face buried in Kagome's neck. That was just as the   
morning found them.  
________________________________________

Sesshoumaru walked next to Mizan Nanjo along the corridors of the Eastern Palace. In a way, it was grander than the West. The halls were more decorative with tales of ancient wars depicted along the walls, the shoji doors groaned with time in a way that added to the majestic beauty of the ancient palace. The West's palace was made more for function than aesthetics. It was twice as large as the East, but it was mostly stone and hard polished wood, created more like a fortress that could hold thousands of troops in the back terraces alone. Sesshoumaru wondered how many youkai had fought and died just to keep this palace from burning or being broken with siege. Its beauty would probably evoke both envy and loyalty from any and all that were to walk its halls.

"You came quicker than I thought."

Sesshoumaru did not respond as the two stepped out to walk through the dense forest that led to the ocean view cliffs. "I am curious to know how my father could imagine me knowing the helplessness of love."

Nanjo chuckled. "I had told Seijimaru the very same thing, but he had insisted that you would. So I did as he asked and here we are. I think you know enough to understand what he has for you."

"You failed to mention what exactly _this_ is again." Sesshoumaru tried to inject some venom in his voice, but it was, as it always was with Nanjo, hard to do.

"You will see in good time. Now tell me this, why must I host the Winter Solstice here? It is you turn and you know it you conniving pup."

Sesshoumaru let a smirk grace his normally passionless face. He never played by the rules. He usually detested having large amounts of guests strewn about his palace, but one year the cherry blossoms had been extraordinary and his whole palace looked ethereal with the snow covered in pink. So he had insisted that instead of the Southern Land palace hosting the Winter Solstice that year, he would and thus the feud between Hibina and himself ensued. "I do not wish to host it this year."

"So you thrust it on me?" The old Inu laughed. "I will cease to exist one day and I am left to wonder, who will be your scape goat then?"

Sesshoumaru didn't bat an eye. "Whomever I choose."

Nanjo chuckled more at his godson's hubris. "Come come, you have seen the sun set in the West. But have you ever seen the sun rise in the East?" They broke the cover of the trees just as tiny rays of pink and light blue began to shine.

________________________________________

Hibina paced back and forth. The sun had just set and it’s last dying rays gleamed off the ocean. He could feel his blood rushing with anger. The wench had just up and left with no concern for how long or far it had taken him to travel all the way the The Middle, and now she was going in the opposite direction? 

Hibina let loose a growl of anger. Five shadows lengthened until they formed a motley band of youkai. "Find her, bind her, and take her to the Southern islands. You may need this." Hibina threw a vial of dark black liquid at one of the shadow youkai. He bowed and without another word they melted back into the shadows. He didn't want to have to do this, but this seemed like the only way things would go as he had planned. With a sigh, Hibina looked to the ocean as a pang of guilt shot through him. "If only you had stayed here instead of running off to grovel at that dog’s feet." And then his anger was back and suddenly, he regretted nothing.

________________________________________

Rin had ridden for a good day solid along the coast. She was just reaching the halfway mark, where she could see the Eastern Land coast, when she could feel herself being tracked. Her horse was in desperate need for rest, and showed it with his frequently growing stumbles and brays, but Rin knew if she stopped she would have to fight and she had no idea how many where tracking her or why. She could leave the horse here and run on foot but she loathed to travel all the way to the East on foot. The only option left would be to find an inn. Most likely in a ningen village. She leaned forward whispering words of encouragement to her stallion, urging it to go forward faster until she smelled a ningen village nearby. Rin rode straight for it letting her horse fall into a gallop. Not wanting to start anything or become too noticeable she settled for dismounting and leading her horse in the village to ask for the nearest inn.

Rin was overwhelmed with smells, noises and colors. She had never heard so many children together at one time, making so much noise. Or for one woman to wear so many different patterned garments. Or for one man to smell so horrible. She was suddenly grateful when she found her destination. The clerk was a handsome young human male, that didn't look much younger than herself, probably working for his father. She paid him in gold Middle Province coins and was assured her horse would be groomed for her departure in the morning. She was showed to a small but quaint room near the very top of the inn. She thanked the boy who, for some reason, kept staring at her and quickly observed her surroundings. She found it hard to sleep. The village was so busy! There were so many noises and people were still up and about although it was approaching midnight.

Finally, the villagers began dwindling down and Rin found she could get some light rest. She was awoken, not by the sun that blazed brilliantly through her window, but by the horrible whining coming from the stables. Rin threw open her window and jumped down the five stories to run to her horse. The first sight she was greeted with was blood, but quickly she ascertained it was not her stallion, but the corpse of the boy who had worked in the stables. He was split up the middle and tossed to separate sides of the room. Rin leapt over the mess and nearly barreled straight into two shadow youkai. One was trying to corner her horse, who kept rearing and bucking wildly, the other turned once he sensed her there. Rin was suddenly aware that she was unarmed. She threw out her left hand and felt the invisible links of demon energy yank at her, and most suddenly, Yijo smacked in her waiting fist with a force. With one silent leap and swing she severed the head of demon occupied with her stallion. The second youkai cursed and melted away.

Rin ran for her horse, catching the reins she jumped on him and the two sped away. Ijo darted and sheathed itself with it’s twin on her saddle. She was suddenly grateful she had packed virtually nothing and felt some remorse for the poor family of the dead ningen boy. The ride was long but easy. The moon was high and she was well into Eastern territory when she felt them again. They were near cackling as they surrounded her. Rin had been traveling at a comfortable, fast paced gallop, not wanting to tire her horse so quickly as she had before. Now she urged him faster until the trees were nothing but a blur. Rin ducked just in time to avoid whatever had been thrown at her. They were sharp, whatever they were, and her stomach clenched with worry.

She looked around wildly she couldn't count how many there were, but she was certain there was more than three. Suddenly, it was in front of her, a youkai she had never seen, with it’s ugly featureless face and black teeth. She was paralyzed with shock as it raised its hand and hit her so hard she was torn off her saddle to roll violently to the ground. The horse whinnied and stopped, he turned around and came for Rin at a gallop. Rin was slightly disoriented, but on her feet and grabbing the reins just as something grabbed her and threw her into a tree. She couldn't sense an exact location. They seemed to be everywhere at once in every shadow and every corner. 

Rin let gravity have her, slid down the tree and began running parallel to her horse, straight toward the East. With a couple of well placed leaps, her intuition and instincts thrumming, she managed to avoided attacks she was beginning to realize only meant to incapacitate her. A memory of Sesshoumaru's voice popped in her head. He had once told her it was often worse to be taken alive than dead, and to never let herself be kidnapped or taken prisoner. It was the ultimate dishonor. The memory surged her forward she leapt higher into the trees jumping from branch to branch until she was directly above her horse. The beast seemed to sense her, eating ground in large leaps and staying on a straight path as much as it could.

They broke tree-line cover and ran through an open field. Rin thanked Kami but the field was limited, she could see another line of forest in the distance. She landed on her horse and the beast moved faster than Rin thought possible. She stayed low used her ears to locate her pursuers. She knew they were still running with her but she could not see them, the night offered no light. She cursed her weak ningen eyes. Something landed in her back and she screamed, clawing at whatever it was that had stuck her. She pulled out a dart and her mind registered with alarm. They entered the forest again and the horse had to slow to avoid trees. Rin didn't know if it was safer to get up and run to work off the poison or to stay still and hope she could buy herself time before it worked through her system. 

But time was not on her side. They broke the cover of the forest yet again, and Rin could just see the palace. Her eye sight began to dim, her lids becoming heavy. She felt her stallion pick up the pace and take off at break neck speed but she couldn't help her body as it sagged against her horse. Something was beginning to throb, it was keeping her from slipping into unconsciousness. The pain blossomed like some unholy flower and soon it was nigh unbearable. It seemed like all her skin was throbbing horribly; like her blood was boiling right out of her body. She thought she heard some horrid wailing but realized it was her. She was screaming.

Another dart pierced the back of her neck and Rin felt blood flow into her mouth. She spat it out and tried to keep from drowning. It was too much, the terrible throbbing and the acidic poison etching its way through her entire back. Rin tightened her grip on the reins but felt herself leaning toward one side and then the other. She pried her eyes open and saw the palace was closer, but they were nowhere near enough for Nanjo to know she was there. Another dart pierced her skin hitting precisely between the bones of her spine. The last thing Rin remembered was hearing the sound of her back cracking.

________________________________________

Nanjo paused outside the shoji doors. He knew what Sesshoumaru was doing, and probably wouldn't appreciate being caught doing. He was sitting there staring at Rin. He had been the one to hear her scream and without even a moment’s hesitation, had run to her. They both had found a horse galloping with several shadow youkai trying to corner it. He was a fierce and fearless creature, tall and midnight colored. Rin was slumped against the beast, who would expertly lean his body to keep her seated. Sesshoumaru had simply bared his teeth and the youkai had shriveled off. For once in his life having a concern more pressing than immediate vengeance.

Sesshoumaru had been stoically confused, wondering what the hell had happened and why Rin had been headed for this palace. Naturally, Nanjo had played ignorant and led the topic of conversation to Rin's health. Several darts had been found in her and the youkai physician had given the name of a poison neither Inu's had ever heard before. 

Nanjo waited outside the room a little longer, thought better and walked away. He would give Sesshoumaru is privacy.

________________________________________

Sesshoumaru stared at her. She was weathered and her breathing erratic. Her long dark hair was matted with forestry and blood was caked on her chin, neck and lips. She groaned in her sleep. She had been sleeping for almost two days now. He raised a clawed finger and used his nail to brush away a strand of hair in her mouth. Rin's eyes flew open and she jerked up. On reflex, she grabbed his hand and tried to break it, but Sesshoumaru caught both her hands in his other one as she started to struggle.

"Rin." He said forcefully as she thrashed about sinking her nails into anything that found purchase. He disabled her with one hand capturing her wrists and the other firmly pressing on her thighs. His strength alone would not let her move. "Rin, remember yourself."

The voice registered in her brain and she fell still. It seemed to her like she was opening her eyes for the first time. She met his contemptuous gaze and suddenly felt her stomach fall under her. What had she done? There were scratches on his face, neck and wrists. They were closing as she looked at them, but they were still there. A gasp tore from her as she lowered her eyes, an obvious sign of submission. "I'm sorry, my Lord, I was not myself." Sesshoumaru released her as if touching her was the most disgusting thing he was forced to do. Rin was silent as she tried to get her bearings. She watched as Sesshoumaru walked around a large open room; it had high unusual ceilings with geometrically cut openings. "My Lord how did I get to the West? What room is this?" She asked, looking around with blatant confoundment.

Sesshoumaru fixed her with a gaze that questioned her intelligence. "You are not in the West, Rin. You are in the Eastern Lands. Are you to tell me you did not know this?"

Rin shook her head and gasped as the back of her neck flared with a burning pain. As if it had been insidiously awaiting her attention, her body began to sizzle once more. It blossomed once again; her spine was on fire, her entire back searing with heat. She screamed and fell back on the cot, her body contorting on it's own. Blood began to bubble back into her mouth. She found the face of her savior above her, his eyes wide with ignorance as to what was happening to her; had the attack not abated? 

He called to her but she couldn't hear him. It was like she was underwater. She tried to stay conscious but it was dragging her down again. This feeling was familiar. A distorted memory of her wish to die in Kagome’s bath superimposed on reality. But it was different, her Lord was here. She struggled to see him, even if his was the last face she was to see. She keept her gaze on the widened shape of his, usually slender, deep gold eyes. Other faces appeared but none were as important. Her heart was beating frantically she could feel it practically pumping out of her chest. It was so, so painful. But she could bear it for him, she would do anything for him.

________________________________________

Sesshoumaru was at a loss. Something unwanted, but not wholly unfamiliar, was creeping through his chest. He sat near the large balcony as Nanjo paced his study. "My physician says she is dying. This poison- " He stopped and ran his hands over his braided, light brown hair. He tried again. "This poison is literally boiling her blood right out of her body." Sesshoumaru had nothing to say to that. "He says she will die by some time tonight."

The lord of the West closed his eyes. He sensed Nanjo was looking at him expectantly. "What do you want me to do about this Nanjo? She is no longer my ward, my charge, she is nothing to me. I have no rights to searching across Nippon for her assailant." He spoke with a false calmness that fooled no one, not Nanjo and not himself.

"Pup, you heard what the physician said. She can be saved if her blood can be resupplied."

"Then resupply her, Mizan." Sesshoumaru bit out, more bitterly than intended.

"I already tried." The younger youkai looked up confused. "She would not take it. Nor would she take the physicians’ or my envoys’. Her body and spirit rejected us even as she lay dying and in pain. I think she will only take yours."

Sesshoumaru snorted. "There is no reason I should give her my blood. So she can become a filthy hanyou like my brother? My blood has been diluted enough from my father mating with that uselessly, weak ningen woman. I will not make the same mistakes, even if they are on different terms."

Nanjo was silent for a long moment. "I never did give you the scrolls your father left behind."

"I take it they were his own writings?" The proud young Lord did not let it show, his surprise at the abrupt change of topic.

Nanjo nodded. "Come with me Sesshoumaru. I think you should know why your father mated with _'that uselessly, weak ningen'_ ".

The two entered Nanjo's personal chamber but the inu-youkai upturned a heavy floor tapestry to pull up an eaqually heavy floorboard. In the dank darkness, step appeared. After descending for almost five full minutes, they came to a small almost airless cell with over a hundred different rolled scrolls and parchments. Sesshoumaru could tell immediately that each one was ancient and priceless. 

Nanjo carefully plucked one from the top and pulled it down, his finger seeming to barely touch it all. Without looking he handed it to Sesshoumaru and began his climb back up. The scroll was large and heavy. For a while the daiyoukai simply stood there looking at the seal until his head swam from lack of oxygen in the room and he began to ascend again. Once topside, he found himself wandering back to the study balcony. He sat in the morning sun and broke the seal. The unmistakable aura that was his father flowed through the paper, sating a craving he hadn’t known he’d had until this very moment. Like a spell, Sesshoumaru could hear his father's voice in his head as he hungrily read every word.

________________________________________

Hibina felt his anger rising to a level that he knew was dangerous for himself and those around him. He had to regain control. He took deep calming breaths. "You are telling me, that you may have accidentally killed her?" He asked with an icy calmness.

The lead youkai bowed. "I was not aware there was a limit to the amount we could use. You said it would minimize her struggles against us."

Hibina tried to think with his head and not his emotions. What the youkai said was logical. He hadn't specified an amount. "How much did you use?"

"We shot three darts into her, my Lord."

Hibina's mind raced. Three darts laced with Bloodbringer poison was enough to incapacitate a large dragon. For a body as small as Rin's it was killing her as they spoke. She would be gone before the night ended. She would die a terrible and brutally painful death. None of this was how he planned it! Hibina let out a sigh of defeat. His sources told him that Sesshoumaru was not in the West. He could only hope that he would be there to see her die, then maybe his plan could be salvaged. He sighed again, it was such a waste though. He hadn't even had the chance to get to know her more intimately. 

"Very well then. Report to my palace immediately." They bowed and were gone from his sight. "Juno!" The Lord called.

The Kitsune appeared bowed behind him, as usual. "My Lord."

"Dispose of those shadow-youkai. I don't need them linking back to me. I see retribution in the future and I don't want another reason for that dog to start a war with me." The Kitsune bowed and left in a poof of fox magic.

Lord Huyoko Hibina was left with his inner thoughts as he readied himself for travel from the Middle Provinces. 

"Such a pretty thing, such a colossal waste. If planned right, this can be salvaged." He stepped onto his vernanda and gazed at the declining sun. The moon was rising fast tonight. He idly played with his hair, lighting and relighting it on fire. "Your move, Lord Dog."


	7. Her Death

# Ningen Impossibilities

#### Chapter Seven

> _You may think me weak. But I tell you, my son, I too was disgusted when I first contracted the symptoms. At first I thought she had bewitched me with some sort of wicked ningen spell. I found myself thinking about her, her smell and the way she coquettishly held her fan to hide her face. I wanted to be near her. I thought perhaps I was just curious, that she was simply amusing to pass the time. But Sesshoumaru, there was only so many delusions I could feed myself until I realized with a horrible, dawning clarity. I wanted to be near her, close to her, to look upon her and hold her and know that she was mine. I was in turmoil. Can you imagine having a son, of whom you have diligently instilled millennia of youkai tradition, just to contradict it yourself? How do you think I felt, torn between everything I had ever known and then something entirely new and enticing? It was slow and torturous but just as exquisite._
> 
> _I never chose her over you, Sesshoumaru. I wanted you to see things through my eyes, I wanted you to accept her, to trust me over those millennia of traditions and maybe we could be happy. I see that it is not to be. But I tell you, my son, you are not exempt from finding yourself brought to your knees before someone whom you will see as inferior to you. Karma will not be kind to you Sesshoumaru. You will see that you are as mortal as ningen when it comes to affairs of the heart. It is my prayer, as your father, that you will not resign yourself to a lifetime of suffering alone for the sake of tradition and pride._

Sesshoumaru slammed the scroll down, heedless of it’s delicate nature. Even if he was nearly finished with it's entirety, he felt he had read enough. Did this old fool think that writing this babble would change anything? Sesshoumaru cast his eyes toward the sky. The moon was high. He had been reading all day and yet he felt no sense of profound enlightenment. Just more of an understanding of his miserable father's demise. He supposed that was enough to say that his travel to the East had not completely useless.

The Western Lord stood and made his way to the room that housed Rin. She was breathing heavily and her fist would tighten and untighten with every breath. Sesshoumaru was practically overwhelmed by the smell of burning blood. He stepped closer and her eyes flew open. He didn't think she was conscious. Her body lurched on it's own, her back arching wildly for a moment before settling again. Sesshoumaru was impressed, even through her very obvious torture, she was not uttering a sound.

"My Lord." She sounded nearly dead, her voice knocking gutterally through the back of her throat. "They tell me I will die soon." Her eyes held no apprehension. Sesshoumaru could feel his pride swelling. Ah, but she truly was a fearless creature.

"You will." He stated in his usual detached manner. "There are none here familiar with this poison or how to counteract it. You will most likely die before any solutions are found."

Rin made some sort of head jerking movement that Sesshoumaru interpreted as a nod. "I have a request." She lifted her eyes to meet his in a way that was unusual. As if she dared him to turn down her request.

He was intrigued. "Speak."

"I wish to be buried in the West. I wish for you to recant my exile, so my body may regain my honor and I may rest in peace. I will not be able to, should you refuse."

Sesshoumaru paced around the room. For him to recant her exile was akin to him acquiescing to the fact that he had been wrong. Was this some sort of final act to humiliate him. "Why? What difference does it make where your corpse is buried?"

"It may not make a difference to you, but to me I have been wrongly accused, thrown from my home and humiliated. My last wish is to return to where I lived the happiest years of my life. Please, my Lord, can I not have that?"

Sesshoumaru was spared having to decipher his feelings as Nanjo stepped into the room. "Good, have you decided to save her?" he asked lightly.

Rin whipped her head toward him and then closed her eyes in pain at her sudden movement. Sesshoumaru glared at his elder knowing the cunning old dog had chosen his words with purpose. 

"I will not give her my blood, Nanjo."

"Save me?" She whispered confused. Her Lord could actually save her? But he had just said that no one knew how to counteract the poison. In all her life, she had never known her Lord to lie. "You can save me?" She croaked again looking to the silver haired Inu.

"That method is impossible. I will not further shame and dilute my bloodline by giving you my blood so that you may become the same as my half-breed brother."

Nanjo stepped forward his voice losing all lightness and taking an almost authoritative echo. Sesshoumaru felt his hackles rise. "You are going to let this young ningen, the very same you saved from wolves, die because of this prejudice you have of hanyous? Sesshoumaru, I have always known you to make perfect decisions and think logically and objectively no matter what, but right now you are letting your emotions rule you. You can save her and yet your hatred for hanyous will let her die."

"She does not belong to me anymore.” He hissed defensively. “I am not responsible for her life or her death. If it is my blood that is needed, then find Inuyasha! We share the same blood."

"How can we find Inuyasha and bring him here when she has only three hours of life left?" Rin's back arched wildly and hit the cot again. She was slipping back into unconsciousness. "Why are you being so stubborn?"

Sesshoumaru gazed at her. She was unconscious. Her breathing had deepened, no less erratic, but deeper. Why did he feel he could say this now? "I feel something that I should not. Perhaps with her gone it will fade as well." His voice was strong and decisive as always but his insides … were in turmoil. And for that he hated her more.

Nanjo turned sharply from his kin. He inhaled to keep his, usually even keeled temper, from positively erupting. "She has done it. She has broken through that impenetrable fortress that you have put around yourself, that every demon and demoness in all of Nippon has tried to break, and you will kill her for it."

"I had nothing to do with the attempt on her life!” He was outraged at the very accusation. “She was to remain somewhere safe but yet, here she is. And now she is dying and you are saying that I killed her because I will not make her hanyou? I’ve saved her many times before. I trained her to become the deadly warrior she is. I ceased to be her guardian and with that she lost my protection. Why would I waste my blood on someone who is not only a weakness to me, but a potential enemy?" The daiyoukai’s chest heaved with his temper.

"Sesshoumaru you can dress it in all the political glamour you want, but the truth remains the same. She is a ningen girl on the verge of becoming a woman. She has depended on you her entire life and has never failed you. Never. Yet something goes awry and you banish her in one fell swoop. Now she is on her death bed and you will do nothing but turn your head. Do you think this will make you less accountable? You can save her, but you will not." Nanjo turned to face him, his eyes burned with something Sesshoumaru had never seen directed toward him.

Disappointment and accusation. Sesshoumaru grit his teeth and snarled silently against the feeling rising in his chest. Rin was not his responsibility! "Cease this, Nanjo. What I have said is final."

"She has seen nothing but you, knows nothing but you, and this is how you repay her? You pride yourself in being a loyal and fair leader but you are betraying her as she lays before you and dies."

"I don't want to hear any more." Sesshoumaru bit out. He was outright snarling now.

"I remember when you brought her into your palace for the first time. You asked me how to care for a ningen female. You must know that since that day she has served none but you. Not even herself. You’ve always come first Sesshoumaru, your expectations and your comfort and for the first time in her life she is requiring you to do something for her that makes you uncomfortable or else she will die, and you rather she die!"

Sesshoumaru snarled and headed for the door. "You will not guilt me into changing my decision."

Nanjo shook his head. "I am not trying to guilt you pup, you are guilting yourself." Sesshoumaru was gone. He secluded himself into the chamber he stayed in whenever he stayed in the East. He didn't know how long he sat there, near the shoji door entrance, locked into his own mind, struggling with what he thought was right. Helping Rin, saving her, would be like welcoming her back into the West. He didn't need her there. He didn't want her there! He didn't want her anywhere near him. With her … it would only turn out badly. He would…he would not be able to resist for much longer.

He was fighting himself and his cursed honor when she gave a horrifying scream. Sesshoumaru was in the room before he knew how.

Rin's body pushed upward, her limbs flailed in different directions. But these things were not what made Sesshoumaru's eyes go wide with shock. It was the unearthly screaming that he had never heard fall from her lips. Even when she had screamed that night in the woods with the assassins at her back, she had not screamed in this manner. Now, with her eyes wide and tears falling, she clawed at the sleeves of Sesshoumaru's white hoari, staining them red from the blood pulsing out of the pores on her skin. He could see her pain, smell death as the poison burned the blood right out of her body. Her eyes were blood shot, her mouth a disconcerting shade of red. 

She pulled him closer, her eyes never leaving his as she jerked on the table. He was aware that before this moment, the thought of her dying had been just that. A thought. He had never felt moved watching any other species die, but not with her. Always, even all those years ago, he could not stand to see death come for her. He was aware of her hand on his. It took amazing strength and control of her limbs to keep it from thrashing about. Her tiny ningen hand covered his large claws and she dragged his hand up to her neck. It was soaked with blood literally leaking from her pores.

She opened her mouth to speak but all that came was a straggled sound. Her hand closed, dragging his claws across her skin. Like paper, it tore, opening to reveal the black liquid that was conquering her body. The smell of her burning insides assaulted his nose. He could see the cords of her jugular that supplied her life essence, shriveled and burnt black. Her body jerked once more, violently, and then stopped, her mouth falling open. Her final breath was used to give a final message. Even with his acute hearing, Sesshoumaru instinctively leaned closer to catch her whisper. 

"I'm sorry."

His world seemed to split painfully and suddenly. 

She was dying, practically dead already, and yet she used the last breath her body had to apologize to him? Those were not the actions of a traitor, an usurper. She was Rin, the ningen girl that he had taken into his home and raised to be perfect. She was his. She belonged to him and someone had _taken her away._ On the pallet, in front of him, she laid dead. Her open gaze, still somehow trusting and affectionate and fixed firmly on him. She was willing him to see her honesty even after death. He broke. 

Sesshoumaru left. 

He ran down the hallway toward his chamber.

"Nanjo!" He called loud enough for the old Inu to hear. He grabbed Tenseiga from his chamber and raced back to Rin. Nanjo arrived after him. His face fell as soon as he entered. Sesshoumaru paid him no attention. "Call your physician." He said simply. Unsheathing the sword he waited for the demons coming to take Rin's soul. He had already used the Tenseiga on her once, so he would not be able to save her with it. He would, however, be able to buy some time. They came quickly, ready to take what was denied from them before, but he banished them. They would be back and before they came he needed her to live again. She started her soul slamming back into her body. She would have to relive the last moments of her life again, and for that, Sesshoumaru felt sorry. She screamed that agonizing scream unaware that she had even died.

The demon physician was there in the same moment. "Take my blood and hurry, she has but minutes to live." The youkai moved fast he cut open her clothes to expose only the skin right above her left breast where he heart was.

"You must cut your finger deeply, you need to bleed for at least thirty seconds. Then insert your finger right into her heart. No one else has done this, we simply fed the blood to her veins, but we haven't the time and you need to pump your blood right to the source. Here," He indicated a place between two ribs. "go about four inches down. Do not run it through or it will never close and she will bleed to death."

Sesshoumaru already had his finger to his mouth. Using his fangs, he slit his finger from his knuckle to his nail opening a large gash that spilt blood immediately. He placed his claw directly on the spot indicated while the youkai held Rin down. Quickly he pushed down and Rin screamed. He felt the soft organ give way and his blood leaked and was pumped through her body. The results came quickly. Her thrashing subsided and a transition began. In a way, it was somewhat gratifying to see first hand, how potent a legacy he carried within himself. 

It started with her skin. Sesshoumaru could actually follow the progression of his blood as it slowly left a trail of skin even more pale than her original complexion. He willed his body not to heal his injury, allowing his blood to continue to fill her. 

Her facial features did not change, but the color of her eyes intensified to luminescent hazel mixture of green and brown. Her ears sharpened slightly at the tips and her fingers elongated. They could hear her muscles tighten into cords of power and her skin harden with layers and layers of itself. Her hairs stayed the same dark brown. Sesshoumaru could feel her heart repairing itself trying to close itself around his finger. Slowly he pulled it out and watched her skin close before his eyes. 

But something was not right. Her scent was not what he had been dreading, not that of a hanyou. She didn't smell much different than before, just more like himself. It was baffling. Her eyes remained open but unseeing and she had yet to breathe again.

Sesshoumaru stood back and watched two magenta crests emerged from the knuckle of her two middle fingers, coil once around her wrists and start in the opposite direction up her arm. They ended there, shaped like they were cut off, it seemed artificial. Nanjo stood next to him, his head tilted slightly. "Youkai?" He seemed to be asking the room. Sesshoumaru was genuinely confused. She did not smell youkai and yet she had his crests. She breathed in deeply and sat up so quickly it was disconcerting.

Her eyes were glazed over, suddenly something lodged in her throat and she turned to the side to spit it up. The black poison came out in a large wad. She stared at it in wonder. She could smell it so strongly, along with everything else inside, even outside the room! It was threatening to give her a headache.  
"Rin." It was his voice. She had heard it but never had she heard it so well. It was a perfect bass pitch seeming to vibrate her sternum and shake her bones awake. Calm with no waver, strong and steady like a stream though he had only said one very short word. 

Rin had sworn she couldn’t fall any deeper in love with him; she turned to him and saw his face. But never had she seen his face like this. She had always thought his skin smooth but no, no it was taut of over the bones of his cheeks and jaw. His eyes bright with secrets but lined with curiosity. His lips were fuller than she remembered and his nose more delicate that she had recognized. Immediately it was easier to see his mother in him than ever before. She remembered the portrait of the fearless youkai female on the main corridor of the Western palace. He had her lips, her nose and her fine eyebrows. But he must have his father’s eyes, cheeks and crests. But something was bothering her, some imperfection. She raised her hand and approached his confused face. Her fingers touched his cheek to wipe away a tiny speckle of her blood. She brought her hand back down and passed out, falling limply. Sesshoumaru caught her as a reflex. 

"What is wrong with her?" He bit out before he could stop himself.

"She only needs to adjust to the blood in her veins, Lord Sesshoumaru." The physician said in a hurry, not wanting to incur the wrath of a very suddenly testy daiyoukai. 

“Come,” Nanjo spoke. “I will give her a new room away from the smell of sickness and death.”

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "No." Was all he said as he gathered her close and walked down the corridor to the personal chamber he kept at the Eastern Palace. He laid Rin on his bed, intent to watch and be sure, to think about his actions and what they meant for him, for Rin and their future. He had meant to … but his eyes were heavy and for the first time in a long time, he felt truly exhausted.

________________________________________

Rin was used to waking before the sun, or even just with the sun, but never had it shone so harshly behind her eyelids. Events from last night passed through her brain within an instant before she even opened her eyes. She had surely been dying, she remembered that much. 

She decided to scent her surroundings before opening her eyes. Already her extended senses were mildly overwhelming. She stayed silent and still. 

There was a base, powerful scent that seemed to call to the furthest reaches of her. She knew who that was; could smell him so near. Rin felt him next; the heat from his body, the sound of his steady heartbeat right next to her. Very slowly she opened her eyes to see the finely decorated ceiling, and turned her head to the right. He was there, asleep, his head right above hers, his long silver hair strewn about. She took a silent but deep breath. She couldn't describe his smell by something already existing. He smelled like power, strength, danger, loyalty. She could discern what she knew were hormones that made him smell distinctly male to her, and she could pinpoint where the scent was strongest. She restrained from burying her face in his neck and breathing deep. His breathing pattern was changing, quick as lightning she closed her eyes and leveled her breathing as he opened his. He was up instantly, probably disliking the vicinity of their bodies. Rin opened her eyes as if she was waking for the first time. By the time she sat up he was on the verandah.

"Collect your things, bathe and change. We are returning to the West." He spoke simply.

Rin felt her breath hitch. 

She didn't realize she hadn't moved until he turned to look at her. Immediately she was up and bowed. "Yes, my Lord." And then she was gone running down the corridors to find the head maid of the Eastern palace.

________________________________________

"My Lord," Rin spoke as they began the journey home. "may I stop at Inuyasha's village?"

"That is not planned for."

Rin was silent, not sure what that meant but sure it was not a 'yes'. Au-Un followed behind them as they left the front terrace. Her Lord had left Jaken at the palace. "My Lord, how will we get to the West?" She asked curiously. 

Her days of riding Au-Un with Sesshoumaru were long gone. If ever needed, she rode and he ran next to them. He pointed in a direction and unstrapped his swords from his body to strap them to Au-Un. He motioned for her to do the same. Ijo and Yijo purred under her touch. "We run." He said. He looked at her for a moment and then took off. His dragon took to the sky and Rin took after him. 

She had expected to finally, _finally_ have the swiftness of a youkai, but she was still nowhere near his speed. As if to prove a point, he kept himself at least ten yards ahead of her. She was positive he was still not going as fast as capable. They ran this way until the moon rose, but she still didn't tire. They had developed a rhythm that Rin found was easy to follow. By the same time next morning she could see the signs of ningen outcrops that belonged to Inuyasha. She resisted the urge to veer off and by dusk that day they entered the Western Palace.

The household’s reception of her was a mixture of confused, elated, scared and wary. Jaken was the first to open his large reptilian mouth. He squawked. "Rin is that you?" She nodded tentatively aware that her lord was watching.

"I am home." She said, smiling true to her heart. She bent and gave Jaken a hug. He hugged her back at first then squabbled away chiding her for using ningen attributes when she was clearly not ningen anymore. And so it was.

Rin made quick work of falling back into the routine of Lady of the Western Palace. She had a bit of a hard time getting the message through to the head maid, a snake youkai, that had taken her place for almost half a year. At times Rin even thought the female a bit disrespectful. But at heart, she didn’t wish to disrupt her lord’s house, so she kept her own counsel on the matter.

She wrote a letter to Inuyasha and Kagome telling them some of what had happened to her, and promising she would be by to visit as soon as she could find the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, as always, I want to hear from you! What did you love? What did you hate? Comment to let me know if you guys are even interested.


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